Some men who want to compliment random women on the street are genuinely good guys who just don’t understand why their comments might be unwelcome. Some men who want to compliment random women on the street are creepy predators. Most are somewhere in between, and guess what? I don’t know you, I don’t know your life, and I have no idea if you’re going to leave it at “Hey, you look good in that dress!” or follow it up with “But you’d look better without it! Har har! C’mon, where’re you going? I know you heard me! Fucking cunt, nobody wants your fat ass anyway, bitch.”
When you compliment a random woman who doesn’t know you, no matter how nice you are about it, there’s a good chance she’s going to freak out internally because for all she knows, you could be that latter type. And I get that it’s really unfair that women would just assume that about you. I get that it sucks that sometimes, expressing totally reasonable opinions like “hey you’re hot” will make women terrified of you or furious at you. That’s not fair.
But if you’re going to lay the blame for that somewhere, for fuck’s sake, don’t blame the woman. Blame all the guys who have called her a bitch and a cunt for ignoring their advances. Blame all the guys who may have harassed, abused, or assaulted her in the past. Blame all the people who may never do such a thing themselves, but who were quick to blame her and tell her to just get over it. Blame the fact that if she stops and talks to you and then something bad happens, people will blame her for stopping and talking to you.
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Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot » Brute Reason (via brute-reason)
I posted this as an example of how to frame these issues in a way that doesn’t automatically force men into defensive postures and actually might help some people understand more fully why things are the way they are. The phrasing of “blame all the men WHO” is so much more effective than “Blame men.”
I am a man. I get defensive when you blame a group I am part of. But “blame the men WHO harass?” Oh, sure! I’ll blame them! I have no need to defend that! I’m not one of them! You’re right! I’m with you against those guys!”
Of course, we should only communicate like this if we want to, you know, improve our society.
Or we could keep making combative statements filled with sweeping offensive generalities and mocking individuals solely because they are men, or women, or feminist, or conservative…because it makes us feel superior.
Because that seems to be changing a whole lot of hearts and minds, right?
Seriously. I’m about to unfollow some people who I agree with on almost every conceivable issue solely because I can’t take their dismissiveness towards anyone not like them.
Ag
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To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it’s about, but the music the words make.
You are the audience. I am the author. I outrank you!
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Franz Liebkin, expressing the heretofore unspoken truth on behalf of writers everywhere.
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There’s an epigram tacked to my office bulletin board, pinched from a magazine — “Wanting to meet an author because you like his work is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pâté.
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― Margaret Atwood, Negotiating with the Dead
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One of the great things about tumblr…
Back when I was writing and performing regularly I would still only get audience feedback on my material when there were shows. Sometimes I might have an idea and it would not be shared with an audience for weeks or months.
But with tumblr I can post something I really think is great as soon as inspiration hits, see that absolutely no one clicks “like” and IMMEDIATELY know that I suck and I’m not as funny as I think I am and no one loves me and I should lose weight but I’m weak and lazy and it won’t matter because I’m ugly and now I’m not even funny any more.
Ag
This week’s new Ducky post! Remember, there’s a new Ducky post every Sunday at 7:00 pm ET at wellthatsjustducky!
Ducky: Hmm.
Me: What?
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: You’re in my yard.
Me: …
Ducky: In a tree bag.
Me: Hammock.
Ducky: …
Me: Want to come up?
Ducky: Looks wobbly.
Me: It swings.
Ducky: Uh huh. Think I’ll stay down…wait.
Me: What?
Ducky: Got any food up there?
Me: Nope.
Ducky: Right. Think I’ll stay down here.
Me: Okay.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: …
Me: What?!
Ducky: You know you have a bed, right?
Me: Uh huh.
Ducky: And a sofa. And you nap on the floor all the time.
Me: Right.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: But you felt the need to hang a bag in a tree in the yard and sleep in it.
Me: People are funny.
Ducky: “Funny” is one word for it.
Me: …
Ducky: Weirdo.
Me: I love you, Ducky.
Ducky: I love you, weirdo.
Me: …
Ducky: Daddy.
Ag
Last Sunday’s New Ducky Post! Remember, new posts every Sunday at 7:00 pm ET at wellthatsjustducky:
Ducky: You seen the cat?
Me: …
Scooter: …
Ducky: …
Me: No.
Scooter: …
Ducky: She got scared of the vacuum and ran all the way up the stairs. Proverbial “Scaredy Cat” if you will!
Me: …
Scooter: …
Ducky: …
Me: You did the same thing.
Ducky: Incorrect. I went half-way up the stairs. And solely to allow you easy access to the cat hair covered carpet downstairs.
Me: It seems to be mainly dog hair that is getting sucked up.
Scooter: …
Ducky: The cat steals my fur at night and spreads it around the house.
Me: How does she do that, exactly?
Scooter: …
Ducky: Very quietly so as not to wake you.
Me: Clever. But you weren’t scared of the vacuum?
Scooter: …
Ducky: Nope.
Me: Then why were you barking at it?
Scooter: …
Ducky: Ergonomics.
Me: Ergonomics?
Scooter: …
Ducky: You were bending wrong. I was warning you so you wouldn’t injure your back.
Me: Very kind of you. Why don’t you come down now?
Scooter: …
Ducky: You should put the vacuum away first.
Me: Why?
Scooter: …
Ducky: Ergonomics.
Me: That makes no sense.
Scooter: Maybe that’s why you hurt your back.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Scooter: Meow.
Ducky: I love you, Daddy.
Me: I love you, Ducky.
Ag
The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.
