Well, That's Just Great
I'm struggling with depression and I really desperately want to give up. I know you struggle with depression too and I was wondering what words you could give me to make me less eager to end it all.

Hey there, friend. So sorry to hear that you’re struggling. And yes, I’ve lived with depression and anxiety most of my life. But I also know that we are all individuals on our own journeys and dealing with our own unique issues. So while I will gladly share some of my thoughts since you asked for them, I feel it is importantly to make sure that you know how to get support beyond what a layman who talks to his dog can offer. :-)

Here are some places to turn that tumblr suggests to folks feeling what you seem to be feeling.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, the Lifeline is here to help: call 1–800–273–8255

If you are experiencing any other type of crisis, consider chatting confidentially with a volunteer trained in crisis intervention at www.imalive.org, or anonymously with a trained active listener from 7 Cups of Tea.

And, if you could use some inspiration and comfort in your dashboard, you should consider following the Lifeline on Tumblr.

You had the courage and self-awareness to reach out to me, so I hope you will consider turning to the resources above, people in your life, or mental health professionals if things start getting too dark. It took me far too long to realize that the brain that was causing my anxiety and depression was probably not the brain that was going to pull me out of it on my own. But my brain with a little support from another one was pretty damned good at getting me through the low points. Being willing to let others help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

There were points where I needed mental health professionals in my life. There were times that medication was an appropriate part of my management strategy. And there were times I managed it all on my own. But if you are unsure of whether or not professional help is appropriate, I highly encourage you to give it a shot. A few times I went to counselors and came out saying, “Well, that’s definitely not what I needed!” and that’s a good moment! Learning that is a positive! Other times they really helped a lot though. So please consider that.

And if the first one sucks, find another. Not all psychologists/counselors/psychiatrists are created equal and even a good one isn’t necessarily a right fit for you just because they are good.

I’m a strong advocate of the book, “Feeling Good” by David Burns. It’s why it’s on regular rotation on the Amazon widget on my home page. Reading it helped a little, especially because it felt good to discover that lots of people struggle with the thoughts that I did. Depression and anxiety are real lying assholes! They try to convince you that you’re the only one who thinks things like you do. 

But more than reading, doing the exercises and committing to the work really payed off. Whenever I feel myself slipping back, I re-anchor to that book.

Also for me, exercising has been critical. It’s harder (but not impossible) for me to continually say horrible things to myself when I’m active. Exercising in the morning sun is especially good for me. Exercising with someone else is the best.

I’ve come to believe anxiety is my root issue, with my depression usually springing from that. If I can keep my anxiety under control, depression is usually manageable. And for me, mindfulness mediation has helped. Calm.com  is a great resource for a novice meditator. But that may not be your deal. So again, I suggest talking to someone who can help you strategize.

But most importantly, do what you can to just get through tonight. When I was at my lowest, getting to morning was critical. I can’t promise you that EVERYTHING will perfect in the morning, but I can promise you that things are almost always a little bit better and a little bit clearer. And if they’re a little bit better in the morning, they might be even better than that the next day.

But you’ll have good days and bad ones. Be kind to yourself on those bad ones and enjoy the good ones. I think back to those bad nights, the nights I thought about ending it all, and I am so grateful that I didn’t. My life isn’t perfect, but I have had some truly joyful moments in my life. And I know I have impacted the lives of my friends, coworkers, and family members. Sometimes in big ways, sometimes small ones. But if I’d ended it all five years ago, or ten years ago, or twenty years ago, there are a lot of good things I never would have gotten to do. And I am glad that I got to do those good things. And I am glad that I’ll get to do a few more in the years to come.

I want you to do that too. You have already made a difference. By writing to me, you made me post this. And I bet someone else who is in a dark place tonight will see this and think, “Hey. I’m not the only one.” You may have helped them get through tonight. Thanks for that. And thank you for just being you. 

You have value just because you are. 

Stay in touch. And I’d like to hear from you in the morning.


(Ducky says, “Hi!” too!)

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing.

The person in whom its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.

Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames.

And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
David Foster Wallace (via cutlerish)

At times like this it becomes clear to me that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who cannot fathom how anyone could ever reach that point…

And the rest of us who know all too well.

To everyone who ever helped me choose to hold on till morning (whether you realized you were doing it or not), thank you.




yeah. this realization is what saved me.


(Source: maliatastes)

So Philip Seymour Hoffman overdoses on drugs and kills himself and Broadway honors him by dimming their lights? Great message to send to our kids.

An honest to God, I’m not shitting you, not meant to be funny or ironic post on my Facebook feed tonight.


If I may make a few quick points:

1) Yes. If you die unexpectedly people who worked with you might miss you enough to make a symbolic gesture in your memory. I’m sure thousands of near suicide youngsters who had up until now decided to keep going are instead throwing themselves off rooftops as we speak in hopes that someone will slide the fader switch on the track lights in their homeroom to 50% tomorrow.

2) Could someone provide me a list of ways that someone can die too young that are in the category of “Ways To Die That Don’t Require Me To Hide That I Miss My Friend?” So heroin overdose is obviously out. If you die from that, you’re a piece of shit. Got it. How about cirrhosis? You know, so long term substance abuse that leads to death? Is that an acceptable enough way to die that I’m allowed to make a gesture that implies “Thanks for the good you did and I’m sorry you’re dead?” No? Got it. Excessive alcohol abuse=anything you did that I ever thought was good obviously wasn’t. Okay. I really could use that list.

3) On behalf of all of us…screw your children. Or more precisely, screw you. How about this message it should send to you? “Maybe I should take this moment to talk to my children about how terrible heroin is and how if they ever find themselves enslaved by an addiction to find help and to remember this moment and come to me so something like this never happens to them.” And seriously, “Won’t somebody please think of the children?” is a point that doesn’t show your nobility, it shows your intellectual impotency.

4) You know what message it actually sends to your children? The message that they will respond to with “Philip Who?” They have no idea who he is. Maybe you should be more concerned with the message you’re sending to your kids. The message that they will respond to with, “Why is Daddy so mad at people mourning the loss of a colleague? Is daddy an asshole?”


It’s World Suicide Prevention Day

Hey, friends,

There are a lot of things one could talk about on a “Suicide Prevention Day.” Depression and suicide are complex matters. I’ve written about my own journeys through darkness, but I don’t claim to be an expert or have some magic formula that will work for everyone. But I do know this. For a lot of people considering making that awful choice, when they get close, what they need is just one thing to keep them from making that choice right at THAT moment. And for some people, that one thing can be just a quick reminder that their existence matters. That they are loved. That someone would miss them.

There’s no way to know for sure who in your life may be in one of those dark places. A lot of us learn to hide it from those closest to us. So on this day of awareness I ask you to just consider taking a moment to tell someone you love that they are important to you. Maybe someone you know you haven’t told that in awhile.

At worst, you will make someone’s day by being unexpectedly nice. But at best, you might be the person who convinces someone teetering on the edge that they would be missed. And that may be enough to convince them that going to bed is a better choice than what they were considering.

It really can make all the difference in the world.

Much love to everyone fighting the darkness.






You’re much stronger than you think you are

I’m never gonna pass off the chance to reblog this because hell, sometimes knowing that some one fictional will be there in times like there really does help.

This makes me love Superman even more.

I miss this sort of Superman :/

*reblog because who wouldn’t!?*

This right here is MY Superman.

This is a scene I wanted in “Man Of Steel.”


(Source: reyesrobbies)

Him: Did you ever think about killing yourself?
Me: Of course.
Him: You got that low?
Me: Actually, I think I got closest to doing it when I was happy. If I'd been low and feeling like an abject failure for a long time but then something random and good happened that brought me out and brought me real happiness, I'd find myself thinking, "God, maybe I should kill myself now so I don't fall back down again."
Him: ...
Me: I went to sleep content so rarely that it was tempting to "leave on a high note" when happiness came.
Him: That's awful.
Me: I know. I'm not advocating depression, just sharing.




Holy shit that’s fucking embarrassing.
Fuck my state.

The one for Texas is too true.

identity theft… that’s probably because of all the old people getting tricked into giving up their information. At least we aren’t North Dakota. 

If Alaska is worst at suicide, does that mean people are least likely to be successful at it there?"I’ve tried to kill myself 18 times. Damn Inuits keep taking me to the hospital."Ag





Holy shit that’s fucking embarrassing.

Fuck my state.

The one for Texas is too true.

identity theft… that’s probably because of all the old people getting tricked into giving up their information. At least we aren’t North Dakota. 

If Alaska is worst at suicide, does that mean people are least likely to be successful at it there?

"I’ve tried to kill myself 18 times. Damn Inuits keep taking me to the hospital."


(Source: leightonswhaletale)

Rest in Peace, Jacintha Saldanha.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Jacintha Saldanha since learning of her apparent suicide. I don’t know why she made the decision she did and I won’t dishonor her memory by speculating. Suicide is a choice that baffles those closest to the victim while strangers think they can psychoanalyze the departed after reading a few news articles. None of us know why she felt ending her life was the choice she needed to make.

But there have been times in my life when I was close to making that same awful decision. Sometimes fear stopped me. Sometimes a moment of clarity showed me a better path. Sometimes I just decided, “Not today.”

But more times than I can remember, it was a small act of love or simple kindness that for a moment gave me the desire to not give up. Someone recognized something I’d done well, or thanked me for some effort, or just smiled at me or laughed at a joke.

My life has been saved dozens of times by people who will never know.

There are lots of reasons to be just a little nicer to people than you need to; reasons to be kind and patient while expecting nothing in return, and Jacintha has reminded me of one of the most important reasons.

Today might be the day that someone really needs you to do it.

Rest in peace, Jacintha Saldanha.