You notice how Michael Phelps always has his “beats by dre” on when he’s walking somewhere? I’d bet it’s because he has an mp3 repeating “Left Foot…Right Foot…” #strikesmeasslow #couldbetheoxygendeprivstion #orthepot
Moments before the ceremony, Matt and I gave each other handwritten letters to read together {between a door}. This was such an intimate moment and I am so glad we decided to do it.
This is just too amazing not to reblog.
le sigh
I think we learned one thing for sure.
She is a much crappier writer.
He gets tears. She gets him to look like he’s proofreading a book report.
Him: So he's been here for ten years. Blending in. Getting people to trust him. Preparing for this.
Me: ...
Him: What?
Me: He's 19 years old.
Him: ...
Me: That was one patient, visionary nine year old.
More insight into why television news sucks
Producer: You are an incredibly well informed and articulate expert on a topic of great importance to our viewers. Would you please come on our show?
Expert: I'd be glad to. I think I can provide exactly the right information and context in less than sixty seconds.
Producer: ...
Expert: ...
Producer: 'Kay. We're gonna need you to stretch that out. But don't worry. Our hosts will ask you to irresponsibly speculate and will create a climate where you need to respond to mindless hypotheticals. Just take your time and say every single thing that pops into your mind.
Expert: ...
Producer: Just whatever you do, never stop talking.
Expert: 'Kay. Won't that just dilute the key messages and lessen the chance that your audience gains the greater understanding of the key insights they need?
Producer: ...
Expert: ...
Producer: You're adorable.
At very TV network meeting this morning.
Producer: We have had an amazing number of developments over night. Also, the situation in ongoing. There will be a critical need to keep the public informed of certain key messages to keep them safe, avoid a panic, and ensure that no one inhibits the work of the police.
Host: How should we proceed?
Producer: We'll be focusing on uninformed speculation on motives and mindless blather while looping previously recorded video without removing the "live" chyron.
Host: Soarin' with our strengths! Woo Hoo!
Great Moments In Cluelessness At Panera
Child across from me to brother with iPhone: *snort* You should look at the K-Mart commercial, "Ship Your Pants!"
Mother: What? I don't want you looking at things like that. How did you see that?
Me (inside voice): Perhaps the handheld mini computer in their possession has somehow been configured in such a way so as to allow easy access to video content. I don't blame you for being blindsided. And look out! They have straws which could be utilized to transport liquids from a vessel of some sort into their mouths!
Calm down, Emma. You weren’t a coal miner who dreamed of becoming a ballerina. You’re an actress who got there after scratching all the way up from being…a child actress. You seem very nice, but Anne Hathaway has the market cornered on the “breathless faux humility at awards ceremonies” gig. And come on. It was an MTV Movie Award. Your publicist bought it. Relax and go swim in your money. AgEmma Watson accepting the ‘Trailblazer’ award at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards
All Purpose Segue Tumblr Post
Dear Visitor,
Sometimes due to a major event, tumblr content providers feel the need to transition their blogs from their regular content to more serious fare that provides comfort, thoughtful expressions of empathy, or valuable information.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult for those providers to transition back to regular content without appearing insensitive. If you are reading this post it means the owner of this tumblr still understands the seriousness of the event in question but is deciding to move back to normal content. This is not meant as a sign of disrespect, just an acknowledgement that this content provider has nothing more of value to add on this topic and is leaving that job to those more qualified.
This is why the post below this is quite different from the one above. And since this is tumblr, the one above is likely about cats, Doctor Who, Benedict Cumberbatch, K-Pop, or how Emma Watson needs to stop saying that she is proof that “anything can happen if you dream and work hard!”
Yeah. Dream, work hard, and happen to look like someone a billionaire author with creative control over a movie franchise imagined one day while writing. Calm down with the role model schtick, Hermione.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled snark.
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