Well, That's Just Great
There are some people I keep as friends on Facebook just so every once in a while I can look at what they post and be reminded why I hate them.
Hmmm. We may be having difficulty communicating due to generational differences or perhaps how our diverse life experiences have shaped our unique world views but I’m willing to wager that the real issue is that you’re just a self absorbed douche.
Still better than children.
Her: So how was the cruise?
Me: Fine. Royal Caribbean cruise patrons were a bit older than expected though.
Her: How old?
Me: I'd say the average age on our ship was "Died A Week Ago."
You notice that the majority of these advice peddlers and semi professional motivators stress that the keys to success and happiness are under our control. “Stay Positive” and “Envision success” and you can make the future you want. I guess those philosophies may be true, but I also know that they’re popular because they’re comforting. You probably wouldn’t buy a book called, “You’re Fucked.” No one’s signing up for a seminar titled “We Did A Lot Of Research And Can Report That You Really Shouldn’t Even Try Any More.”
Ag-Who is getting tired of hearing it
Not exactly a sleeper.

So I can only assume that the next stage of the marketing campaign for “Anchorman 2” is for them to purée prints of the film, come to all of our homes and feed the slurry into each of us individually via catheter.

I am thankful that I will never be as sad as Ariana Grande is about being in the parade this morning!

Looking forward to snarkily live blogging the parade!


I hope one day to love someone as much as thirty year old white women love “Wicked.”
I’m a fuckin’ mess.
My new, simplified, completely honest résumé.
No thank you, CVS


I appreciate the opportunity to receive your discount card however I am unwilling to surrender my personal information in exchange for fifty cents off of disposable douche. Thanks for asking.

Rewind Sunday: Pa Kent Is A Terrible Father Edition

The film has not gotten any better in my memory as the summer has progressed.