I was really sad this morning so I wrote this
perfection
What is your favorite thing to eat when you're sad?
Sincere Answer: Probably pizza.
More Accurate Answer: My feelings
Why you wish you were my girlfriend…
My homemade pasta and sauce.
Why you’re glad you aren’t my girlfriend.
You know, everything else.
Everything.
Ag
Suicide Note Options
From a looooong time ago. Things have changed. I think less about killing myself and I don’t make the mistake of thinking that people read long things on tumblr!
Ag
(As a reminder, if this writing exercise concerns you, relax.)
So when I think about ending it all, I tend to focus less on the actual killing of myself and more on the suicide note. Thinking about how I’m going to do it involves planning, weighing options, deciding on timing, and then actually making a decision. And let’s face it, if I was good at pulling the trigger on the big decisions in my life, chances are I wouldn’t be thinking about, well, pulling the trigger.
Rewind Sunday:
Was talking about this post today with a friend. Some of Ducky’s best work. :-)
Ducky: You OK, Dad?
Me: Yeah. Sorry about last night.
Ducky: You were pretty upset. Did something happen? Did you lose a toy?
Me: Ha. No. Just feeling lonely.
Ducky: I understand. That’s how I feel when you go to work. But you always come back so I can deal.
Me: Yeah. It’s a different kind of lonely, Duck. You wouldn’t understand.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Can I tell you a story, Dad?
Me: …Ok.
Ducky: You know you weren’t my first Daddy, right?
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: I loved my first Daddy very much. He took care of me when I was very young. He taught me how to sit, and shake hands, and walk on a leash. He pet me. He made me feel very special.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: And then one day he left. And left me behind.
Me: At that apartment complex.
Ducky. Yup. And I looked for him for a long time. And when I couldn’t find him I waited for him to come back. And when he didn’t come back, I just sat in those fields spent my days wondering what I did to drive him away. And if I was going to be alone forever.
Me: Sorry, Duck. That must have been awful.
Ducky: But then Judy showed up.
Me: From the shelter.
Ducky: Yup. And she cleaned me up, and took care of me, gave me a place to live, and was a really good friend to me when I needed it. If she hadn’t found me I don’t know what would have happened.
Me: She’s a good person.
Ducky: Yeah. But not a daddy. Do you remember when you found me?
Me: Yeah. At that event at work. Your mom and I had lost Sam a few months earlier. We walked around the corner and there you were.
Ducky: Yup with those two younger, cuter puppies in the crate right next to me.
Me: Yeah. I opened up your crate and you crawled right onto my lap. Like you belonged there.
Ducky: Uh huh. That’s where I was supposed to be. And I didn’t know it until it you were right there in front of me. Until then I really thought I would never have another Daddy. Not a real one.
Me: A real one?
Ducky: Dogs can tell when they have a real daddy and when they’re just being “kept” because they’re fun or cute.
Me: Ah.
Ducky: But you were real. And I found my home that day. I still love and miss my first Daddy, but I am so glad to be here with you.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: Being lonely and alone hurt, but it got me to a place where I found my real Daddy. So taking the long view, it was worth the pain.
Me: …
Ducky: You’re gonna’ be ok, Daddy.
Me: Thanks, Duck. Love you.
Ducky: Love you too, Daddy.
Ag
Rewind Sunday:
Was talking about this post today with a friend. Some of Ducky’s best work. :-)
Ducky: You OK, Dad?
Me: Yeah. Sorry about last night.
Ducky: You were pretty upset. Did something happen? Did you lose a toy?
Me: Ha. No. Just feeling lonely.
Ducky: I understand. That’s how I feel when you go to work. But you always come back so I can deal.
Me: Yeah. It’s a different kind of lonely, Duck. You wouldn’t understand.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Can I tell you a story, Dad?
Me: …Ok.
Ducky: You know you weren’t my first Daddy, right?
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: I loved my first Daddy very much. He took care of me when I was very young. He taught me how to sit, and shake hands, and walk on a leash. He pet me. He made me feel very special.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: And then one day he left. And left me behind.
Me: At that apartment complex.
Ducky. Yup. And I looked for him for a long time. And when I couldn’t find him I waited for him to come back. And when he didn’t come back, I just sat in those fields spent my days wondering what I did to drive him away. And if I was going to be alone forever.
Me: Sorry, Duck. That must have been awful.
Ducky: But then Judy showed up.
Me: From the shelter.
Ducky: Yup. And she cleaned me up, and took care of me, gave me a place to live, and was a really good friend to me when I needed it. If she hadn’t found me I don’t know what would have happened.
Me: She’s a good person.
Ducky: Yeah. But not a daddy. Do you remember when you found me?
Me: Yeah. At that event at work. Your mom and I had lost Sam a few months earlier. We walked around the corner and there you were.
Ducky: Yup with those two younger, cuter puppies in the crate right next to me.
Me: Yeah. I opened up your crate and you crawled right onto my lap. Like you belonged there.
Ducky: Uh huh. That’s where I was supposed to be. And I didn’t know it until it you were right there in front of me. Until then I really thought I would never have another Daddy. Not a real one.
Me: A real one?
Ducky: Dogs can tell when they have a real daddy and when they’re just being “kept” because they’re fun or cute.
Me: Ah.
Ducky: But you were real. And I found my home that day. I still love and miss my first Daddy, but I am so glad to be here with you.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: Being lonely and alone hurt, but it got me to a place where I found my real Daddy. So taking the long view, it was worth the pain.
Me: …
Ducky: You’re gonna’ be ok, Daddy.
Me: Thanks, Duck. Love you.
Ducky: Love you too, Daddy.
Ag
