Well, That's Just Great

The problem with any ideology is it gives you the answer before you look at the evidence.

“

—	Bill Clinton. And the problem with this quote is most people who read it will immediately think of how it applies to everyone BUT themselves. Or more accurately, that’s the problem with tumblr.

davidkendall:

wellthatsjustgreat:

Cernumnos, horned god of virility, smiles upon this pagan sacrifice.

Ag

If a wiccan comes in to pinch-run, I’m tuning in.

The manager walks to the mound and taps a piece of oak to a sprig of mistletoe. Looks like he’s calling for a Druid from the bullpen.

According to this tv special, despite what we have been taught, the sin of Sodom may have been inhospitality to visitors.

Apparently not being kind to travelers was a very big deal back in the day and that’s what would have incurred God’s wrath. “Sodomy” should not refer to homosexuality, it should refer to being rude to visitors.

“Hey, Steve, I really don’t think you should have sodomized those Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It happens every time I’m in a bad mood. I tell you what, if you hear that I am grumpy, don’t come to visit. Unless you want to be sodomized!”

Can we get TripAdvisor to change their rating system? You get stars based on how often the staff commits sodomy on their guests?

Ag

Who is unlikely to get unblocked by web nannies if he keeps tagging posts with words like “sodomy.”

Grace is printed on our silverware wrappers. Grace for all the world’s religions. All…three…religions…in the world. #greatmomentsindiversity (at Chuy’s)

Well, now I know.

Thanks rumorcontrol and brevetcaptain!

Ag

Catching Up

Jesus: Hi, I'm Jesus Christ.
Pete: Wow! You're back!
Jesus: Yep. Yep. So what's been going on?
Pete: ...don't you know all?
Jesus: It's complicated. Suffice it to say I could know all, but what's the fun in that? No surprises. Dad, the Holy Ghost and I did give free will partially so we could wager on what choices you'd all make.
Pete: And?
Jesus: You'll never go broke betting on humans to make the selfish, stupid choice is all I'll say.
Pete: Okay.
Jesus: Actually I've kept my nose out of all the stuff done in my name. Figured I'd get frustrated if I watched to closely. "Hey! I wouldn't do that!" and what have you.
Pete: Probably a smart move.
Jesus: But I know how humans are with patterns and anniversaries so I figured what better day to return to earth than the anniversary of the day I was crucified?
Pete: Okay.
Jesus: Wipe out the bad memory with a good one, you know?
Pete: Isn't that what Easter does?
Jesus: Easter? The pagan thing with the rabbit and the eggs? You all glommed that onto me?
Pete: Kinda. Peeps taste good.
Jesus: Pardon?
Pete: Never mind.
Jesus: Anyway, does this anniversary day have a catchy name too?
Pete: Yeah. Good Friday.
Jesus: ...
Pete: ...
Jesus: What was that?
Pete: Good Friday.
Jesus: GOOD Friday?
Pete: What's wrong?
Jesus: No, no, nothing's wrong. It just seems like an odd name. I mean, it wasn't a very good day for me, you know.
Pete: I think it's called that because you died for our sins so it's good for us.
Jesus: ...
Pete: ...
Jesus: Well that's a little self absorbed, isn' it?
Pete: I dunno. It's just what the church calls it.
Jesus: I mean how about "Rough But Necessary Friday?" Or "Jesus and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good Day?"
Pete: That's like a kid's book title.
Jesus: I know. I was using it to illustrate the point.
Pete: You know the titles of kids books but not the name of the day you were crucified?
Jesus: First, I told you I've kept out of religion. Everyone is allowed their passions. Even Christ.
Pete: Ha!
Jesus: What?
Pete: Passions..it's just...never mind.
Jesus: And secondly I DO know the name of the day I was crucified. It was called "The crappy day I got nailed to a cross...I think it was a Friday but who cares what day of the week it was, I was nailed to a cross Friday."
Pete: Sorry.
Jesus: It's fine. I'm guessing I'm going to find a few places where the church and I differ. Thanks for being willing to talk. Can we continue this chat over a hamburger?
Pete: Uh..no. It's Friday during Lent.
Jesus: So?
Pete: Uh oh.

Catching Up

Jesus: Hi, I'm Jesus Christ.
Pete: Wow! You're back!
Jesus: Yep. Yep. So what's been going on?
Pete: ...don't you know all?
Jesus: It's complicated. Suffice it to say I could know all, but what's the fun in that? No surprises. Dad, the Holy Ghost and I did give free will partially so we could wager on what choices you'd all make.
Pete: And?
Jesus: You'll never go broke betting on humans to make the selfish, stupid choice is all I'll say.
Pete: Okay.
Jesus: Actually I've kept my nose out of all the stuff done in my name. Figured I'd get frustrated if I watched to closely. "Hey! I wouldn't do that!" and what have you.
Pete: Probably a smart move.
Jesus: But I know how humans are with patterns and anniversaries so I figured what better day to return to earth than the anniversary of the day I was crucified?
Pete: Okay.
Jesus: Wipe out the bad memory with a good one, you know?
Pete: Isn't that what Easter does?
Jesus: Easter? The pagan thing with the rabbit and the eggs? You all glommed that onto me?
Pete: Kinda. Peeps taste good.
Jesus: Pardon?
Pete: Never mind.
Jesus: Anyway, does this anniversary day have a catchy name too?
Pete: Yeah. Good Friday.
Jesus: ...
Pete: ...
Jesus: What was that?
Pete: Good Friday.
Jesus: GOOD Friday?
Pete: What's wrong?
Jesus: No, no, nothing's wrong. It just seems like an odd name. I mean, it wasn't a very good day for me, you know.
Pete: I think it's called that because you died for our sins so it's good for us.
Jesus: ...
Pete: ...
Jesus: Well that's a little self absorbed, isn' it?
Pete: I dunno. It's just what the church calls it.
Jesus: I mean how about "Rough But Necessary Friday?" Or "Jesus and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good Day?"
Pete: That's like a kid's book title.
Jesus: I know. I was using it to illustrate the point.
Pete: You know the titles of kids books but not the name of the day you were crucified?
Jesus: First, I told you I've kept out of religion. Everyone is allowed their passions. Even Christ.
Pete: Ha!
Jesus: What?
Pete: Passions..it's just...never mind.
Jesus: And secondly I DO know the name of the day I was crucified. It was called "The crappy day I got nailed to a cross...I think it was a Friday but who cares what day of the week it was, I was nailed to a cross Friday."
Pete: Sorry.
Jesus: It's fine. I'm guessing I'm going to find a few places where the church and I differ. Thanks for being willing to talk. Can we continue this chat over a hamburger?
Pete: Uh..no. It's Friday during Lent.
Jesus: So?
Pete: Uh oh.

Pope Benedict is stepping down. It is likely due to advancing age and possibly diminishing faculties

Old white guy.
Against contraception.
Unwaveringly committed to religious dogma.
Supported keeping women out of positions of authority in his organization.
Believes he was chosen by God.
Might be crazy.

Well, I think we know what Fox News can do with that money they saved by cutting loose Sarah Palin.

Ag

And this guy is a youth pastor. “Hey, kids! Ray Lewis should be your role model! He talks about God and Jesus all the time!”

Kid then goes home and Googles “Ray Lewis” and learns that the Christian value of, “just keep your mouth shut and don’t say nothing!” will keep you and your cronies from being convicted of murder.

Seriously. You don’t have to hate Ray Lewis to at least think MAYBE he’s not the best choice if role models.

I hate stupid people.

Ag

I believe in allowing people to move on from mistakes, especially when they were never convicted of a crime. But people who call someone a role model because he pimps the Bible in sports interviews get under my skin.

And I can’t imagine how nauseating it must be for the families of the two dead men to hear Ray Lewis spewing about how God must have wanted him to get to play one more time at Raven’s Stadium. Because everything is part of God’s plan.

So apparently it was part of God’s plan for no one to be convicted of that murder so that years later, Ray Lewis could dance on the field one more time.

Wacky God.

Ag