Well, That's Just Great

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Posts tagged with "religion"

Catching Up

  • Jesus: Hi, I'm Jesus Christ.
  • Pete: Wow! You're back!
  • Jesus: Yep. Yep. So what's been going on?
  • Pete: ...don't you know all?
  • Jesus: It's complicated. Suffice it to say I could know all, but what's the fun in that? No surprises. Dad, the Holy Ghost and I did give free will partially so we could wager on what choices you'd all make.
  • Pete: And?
  • Jesus: You'll never go broke betting on humans to make the selfish, stupid choice is all I'll say.
  • Pete: Okay.
  • Jesus: Actually I've kept my nose out of all the stuff done in my name. Figured I'd get frustrated if I watched to closely. "Hey! I wouldn't do that!" and what have you.
  • Pete: Probably a smart move.
  • Jesus: But I know how humans are with patterns and anniversaries so I figured what better day to return to earth than the anniversary of the day I was crucified?
  • Pete: Okay.
  • Jesus: Wipe out the bad memory with a good one, you know?
  • Pete: Isn't that what Easter does?
  • Jesus: Easter? The pagan thing with the rabbit and the eggs? You all glommed that onto me?
  • Pete: Kinda. Peeps taste good.
  • Jesus: Pardon?
  • Pete: Never mind.
  • Jesus: Anyway, does this anniversary day have a catchy name too?
  • Pete: Yeah. Good Friday.
  • Jesus: ...
  • Pete: ...
  • Jesus: What was that?
  • Pete: Good Friday.
  • Jesus: GOOD Friday?
  • Pete: What's wrong?
  • Jesus: No, no, nothing's wrong. It just seems like an odd name. I mean, it wasn't a very good day for me, you know.
  • Pete: I think it's called that because you died for our sins so it's good for us.
  • Jesus: ...
  • Pete: ...
  • Jesus: Well that's a little self absorbed, isn' it?
  • Pete: I dunno. It's just what the church calls it.
  • Jesus: I mean how about "Rough But Necessary Friday?" Or "Jesus and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good Day?"
  • Pete: That's like a kid's book title.
  • Jesus: I know. I was using it to illustrate the point.
  • Pete: You know the titles of kids books but not the name of the day you were crucified?
  • Jesus: First, I told you I've kept out of religion. Everyone is allowed their passions. Even Christ.
  • Pete: Ha!
  • Jesus: What?
  • Pete: Passions..it's just...never mind.
  • Jesus: And secondly I DO know the name of the day I was crucified. It was called "The crappy day I got nailed to a cross...I think it was a Friday but who cares what day of the week it was, I was nailed to a cross Friday."
  • Pete: Sorry.
  • Jesus: It's fine. I'm guessing I'm going to find a few places where the church and I differ. Thanks for being willing to talk. Can we continue this chat over a hamburger?
  • Pete: Uh..no. It's Friday during Lent.
  • Jesus: So?
  • Pete: Uh oh.

If your first reaction to me calling out someone’s racism, homophobia, and ignorance is to accuse me of attacking Christianity, it says more about what you think it means to be a Christian than what I do.

- Ag

I guess a living nativity just doesn’t pull the numbers they’re looking for. (Yes. This is real.)  (at Ridge Assembly of God)

I guess a living nativity just doesn’t pull the numbers they’re looking for. (Yes. This is real.) (at Ridge Assembly of God)

I have trouble with the whole ‘eating certain foods is a sin’ thing. I really think it’s gotta be a translation issue. Or maybe God was misheard. I mean which seems more likely? That God said, ‘If you’re selfish you’ll go to hell,’ or that he said, ‘If you eat shellfish you’ll go to hell?’

- Ag

(Source: looks-like-rain-ted)

Jun 9

SURPRISE: Scholars Say Bible Doesn't Define Marriage As Between One Man, One Woman

Well, this will end the debate. Because as we know people who claim they are against gay marriage because the Bible says it is a sin are being 100% honest and are 100% self aware when it comes to what is shaping their opinions.

Yup I can hear it now.

"Hey, Velma. Turns out the Bible doesn’t define marriage as a union between one man and one woman. I don’t have to be against it anymore. Whew! That’s a relief. Because it was just my extensive theological training than had shaped my view on this issue. It’s not like I disapprove of homosexuality personally and the Bible gave me a cheap cover to push for  discrimination while denying both to others and most importantly to myself the hatred that fuels my world view."

One day I’ll release a major post on one of my greatest annoyances, rationalization masquerading as evidence.

Ag

(Source: ealperin)

The problem with any ideology is it gives you the answer before you look at the evidence.

-

Bill Clinton.

And the problem with this quote is most people who read it will immediately think of how it applies to everyone BUT themselves.

Or more accurately, that’s the problem with tumblr.

May 8
davidkendall:

wellthatsjustgreat:

Cernumnos, horned god of virility, smiles upon this pagan sacrifice.
Ag

If a wiccan comes in to pinch-run, I’m tuning in.

The manager walks to the mound and taps a piece of oak to a sprig of mistletoe. Looks like he’s calling for a Druid from the bullpen.

davidkendall:

wellthatsjustgreat:

Cernumnos, horned god of virility, smiles upon this pagan sacrifice.

Ag

If a wiccan comes in to pinch-run, I’m tuning in.

The manager walks to the mound and taps a piece of oak to a sprig of mistletoe. Looks like he’s calling for a Druid from the bullpen.

Apr 6

According to this tv special, despite what we have been taught, the sin of Sodom may have been inhospitality to visitors.

Apparently not being kind to travelers was a very big deal back in the day and that’s what would have incurred God’s wrath. “Sodomy” should not refer to homosexuality, it should refer to being rude to visitors.

"Hey, Steve, I really don’t think you should have sodomized those Jehovah’s Witnesses."

"Yeah. I’m sorry. It happens every time I’m in a bad mood. I tell you what, if you hear that I am grumpy, don’t come to visit. Unless you want to be sodomized!”

Can we get TripAdvisor to change their rating system? You get stars based on how often the staff commits sodomy on their guests?

Ag

Who is unlikely to get unblocked by web nannies if he keeps tagging posts with words like “sodomy.”

Apr 4
Grace is printed on our silverware wrappers. Grace for all the world’s religions. All…three…religions…in the world. #greatmomentsindiversity (at Chuy’s)

Grace is printed on our silverware wrappers. Grace for all the world’s religions. All…three…religions…in the world. #greatmomentsindiversity (at Chuy’s)