Well, That's Just Great

In my inbox…Why not?!

Rule 1 - Post the rules.

Done. I have already been successful!!!!!!

Rule 2 - Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then make 11 new ones.

Meh. Too confusing. Too much work. I’ll answer these though AND YOU’LL LIKE IT!!!!!!!

Rule 3 - Tag 11 people and link them to your post.

Okay. I’ll do it as long as I don’t have to let them know I’ve tagged them.

Rule 4 - Let them know you’ve tagged them.

Well, screw that.

My questions for YOU!

Excellent. I look forward to lying.

1. If you just bought a pet turtle, what would you name it?

Tortoise. So when someone said, “What’s the name of your turtle?” I could say, “Tortoise!” and then they’d say, “Fine, what’s the name of your tortoise?” and then I’d say, “Turtle,” and then I’d lose another friend.

2. How often do you get your hair cut?

About every six weeks. I get my body hair permed and colored monthly.

3. What does your favorite pair of underwear look like?

Suspicious

4. How do you like your coffee?

How I like my women: Picked up at a Dunkin’ Donuts at eight in the morning.
How I like my women: Picked from the hills of Columbia by Juan Valdez.
How I like my women: With a pungent aroma and making a gurgling noise that wakes me up in the morning.

5. What is your favorite sleeping position?

Whatever position I am in when the sobbing stops.

6. What is your number one goal you wish to accomplish in 2013?

Finish this list of questions. Fingers crossed! If that gets done I move on to the Ducky book!

7. What is your ideal “perfect” day?

A day of sex with the most beautiful person in the world, but that’s impossible There’s no way to have a day of sex with myself! Ha! Ha, Ha, Ha! I’m just kidding of course. I could masturbate.

8. What do you think makes you more unique than anyone else?

I bet I’m the only person in the world who tried to think of an answer to that question during a day of sex with myself.

9. Do you like answering questions that people tell you to answer on tumblr?

Yes. I even wish I could answer them seriously, but that would violate my rule about keeping WTJG interesting to an audience. So I apparently I think my readers find it interesting to imagine me masturbating.

10. What is your most current favorite song?

Row Row Row Your Boat. When the third person comes in. Sweet.

Message me if you are actually interested in real answers. ;-)

Ag

How to make a good impression on your first day on the job.

Ask questions that show an interest in understanding your new responsibilities. Avoid showcasing your love of Mel Brooks films by asking questions like, “Where the white women at?”

Ag

Put a number in my ask so I can make up ridiculous answers to these for fun!

Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?
Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:
A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:
Something that never fails to make you horny:
Where is one place you would never have sex:
The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________
Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:
What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:
What is the fastest way to make you horny:
Top or bottom?
We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]
Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary? 
Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:
Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:
Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:
Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:
Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?
A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:
How big is too big:
One sexual thing you would never do:
Biggest turn on:
Three spots that drive you insane:
Worst possible time to get horny:
Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:
Worst sexual idea you ever had:
How much fapping is too much fapping:
Best sexual complement you ever got:
Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:
Is it good sex if you don’t nut:
Fill in the blank: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"
What your favorite part of your body:
Favorite foreplay activities:
Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]
What do you wear to bed?
When was the first time you masturbated:
Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?
Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
Have/would you ever have sex outside?
Have/would you ever had a threesome?
What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?
Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?
Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?
What is one song you’d like to have sex to?
What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?
Most attractive celebrity?
Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?
If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?
Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?
What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?
Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)
Do you like giving head? (why/why not)
How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?
Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)
Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?
Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?
Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
Do you watch porn?
How small is too small?
Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?
Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?
Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?
Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?
If you could give yourself head, would you?
Booty or Boobs?
If you had a penis, what would you name it?
Have you ever been on an official date?
Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
If you were a stripper, what would your name be?
Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)
How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?
What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina
If you had a penis for a day, what are five things you would do?

At Publix…

wellthatsjustgreat:

I step on the scale.

Kid says, “What is he doing?”

Mother responds, “He’s weighing himself.”

Kid pauses and asks, “Why?”

Two hours later I have no answer.

Do you?

TMI Tuesday: Ask Away

Formspring and Ask-Hole are open for invasive questions, rude comments, and solicitations.

Ag

Wipe while standing or sitting after completing one's business?

Anonymous

First of all…ew.

Sincere Answer (In case you really wonder): Sitting.

Ag Style Answer: Standing. I never sit in the shower.

Ag

Help needed…inspire me!

Friends,

I have several very busy days at work (starting early ending late) today through Sunday. It’s limiting my ability to scan my dashboard for good stuff to reblog and really killing my creativity time.

But the old “yes, and…” improvisor in me is great at bouncing off others, so please fill my big askhole or my lovely formspring with questions, comments, challenges, what have you. Anonymously or claim ownership!

Any help you can provide is appreciated!

Love you all!

Ah

(via okay-me-too)

“Sir, if you could please stop for just a moment to answer a few questions. Well, actually just one question.”

“You’ll never take me alive, Copper! The secret dies with me, Bossman!”

Ag

Hey, Ladies,

Due to Tumblr’s downtime I may not have received many of your compliments that you meant to send me about my physical beauty, keen mind, staggering wit, and safe to assume prodigious sexual output. My askhole and formspring remain empty of compliments, filthy suggestions, or even uncomfortable anonymous questions. Feel free to resubmit. Please, feed me. I am so needy.

Guys can submit stuff too, but honestly, if I wanted uncomfortable input from men I wouldn’t have moved out of the hostel in Amsterdam.

Ag

This note is referring to this post where I vented about a parent pushing a high chair though the buffet line at Golden Corral.

So did anyone say anything? You seem to forget that this was Golden Corral. Most of the clientele obviously viewed this as a best practice and used their mental energy to try to figure out how to make it work for themselves so they wouldn’t have to get out of their chairs the next time they wanted more “Buffet Shrimp” or “Creamy White Dessert Goo.”

Ag