Well, That's Just Great

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Posts tagged with "parent"

Some of the reasons co-workers might dislike me.

  • Her: Did you hear? It's a boy!
  • Me: What's a boy?
  • Her: Janice's baby.
  • Me: Oh.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: Was there some ambiguous genitalia or something?
  • Her: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Her: She just had her baby today. It's a boy.
  • Me: Oh.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: Is this where I act like I care about what it weighs?
From Fathers Day Last year
wellthatsjustgreat:

Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.
Me: For what?
Ducky: For taking me out.
Me: Kinda’ gotta, Ducky. You need to go potty.
Ducky: I know. But I can tell you don’t always want to. Especially when you’re comfy on the couch or in the daddy bed.
Me: It’s my job, Ducky. It’s what daddies do.
Ducky: Why didn’t you and mommy ever get one of those human doggies?
Me: …
Ducky: …
Me: You mean have a baby?
Ducky: Yeah. They seem very popular.
Me: They are. Just wasn’t right for your mom and me. And honestly I never thought I’d be a very good daddy.
Ducky: Why?
Me: Lots of reasons. I’m pretty selfish. Fairly lazy. I don’t make a lot of money. And then there are all of the things about me that don’t need to be passed on into the gene pool. I think I would feel awful if I created another depressed, anxious, underachieving loner. I can handle being unhappy. I don’t think I could handle having created an unhappy child.
Ducky: Oh. So all those people with human doggies decided to get them because they thought that they’d make great mommies and daddies?
Me: A lot of them did. But I think usually the condom just breaks.
Ducky: What does that mean?
Me: Never mind.
Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me, Daddy.
Me: You don’t always think so.
Ducky: You want consistent emotion, get a hamster.
Me: Fair enough.
Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me. Thanks for being my daddy.
Me: Thanks, Duck.
Ducky: Happy Daddies Day, Daddy. I love you.
Me: Thanks, Duck. I love you too.
Ag

From Fathers Day Last year

wellthatsjustgreat:

Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.

Me: For what?

Ducky: For taking me out.

Me: Kinda’ gotta, Ducky. You need to go potty.

Ducky: I know. But I can tell you don’t always want to. Especially when you’re comfy on the couch or in the daddy bed.

Me: It’s my job, Ducky. It’s what daddies do.

Ducky: Why didn’t you and mommy ever get one of those human doggies?

Me:

Ducky:

Me: You mean have a baby?

Ducky: Yeah. They seem very popular.

Me: They are. Just wasn’t right for your mom and me. And honestly I never thought I’d be a very good daddy.

Ducky: Why?

Me: Lots of reasons. I’m pretty selfish. Fairly lazy. I don’t make a lot of money. And then there are all of the things about me that don’t need to be passed on into the gene pool. I think I would feel awful if I created another depressed, anxious, underachieving loner. I can handle being unhappy. I don’t think I could handle having created an unhappy child.

Ducky: Oh. So all those people with human doggies decided to get them because they thought that they’d make great mommies and daddies?

Me: A lot of them did. But I think usually the condom just breaks.

Ducky: What does that mean?

Me: Never mind.

Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me, Daddy.

Me: You don’t always think so.

Ducky: You want consistent emotion, get a hamster.

Me: Fair enough.

Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me. Thanks for being my daddy.

Me: Thanks, Duck.

Ducky: Happy Daddies Day, Daddy. I love you.

Me: Thanks, Duck. I love you too.

Ag

"Take time to be a dad today."

Seriously. Take the time. Maybe if you spend a little time with your kid he won’t wander into a wildebeest stampede. Just sayin’. 

Ag

"Take time to be a dad today."

Seriously. Take the time. Maybe if you spend a little time with your kid he won’t wander into a wildebeest stampede. Just sayin’.

Ag

If it weren’t for breeders, your fucking worthless ass wouldn’t be here, so shut the fuck up and show some goddamn respect. Cunt.

-

Reply to this

Shockingly, this comment came from a site that proudly calls itself “pro-conservative.” Come on, intelligent conservatives. Start a movement or something so this is not how you are constantly represented.

But now that that is out of the way, since this is nothing but an ad hominem attack, allow me two final thoughts in the same spirit:

  1. Calling me a “cunt” is either delightfully creative (since I am a man) or evidence that you are misogynistic douche who assigns gender based on your own warped value system and prejudices. Smart money is on the latter. And…
  2. True. If it weren’t for breeders, I wouldn’t be here. And if there was a way to keep cousins from fucking, you wouldn’t be here.

Goodnight, Tumblr. It was fun being a dick on purpose again for a lil’ bit!

Ag

So, this post got reblogged today and received some strong comments and replies.
To everyone who got upset I apologize for any and all offense that I caused. I exaggerate for fun here and try to entertain as best I can but I never want to cause unhappiness.
However…
Since many of the reactions were less than well organized and some of them amounted to nothing more than ad hominem attacks on me, I am concerned that now those comments and replies are on WTJG. And they are not fun. They are not entertaining. They are just rude. And if you want to be rude to me, be rude to me. But if you think your thoughts are of sufficient value to post publicly then you are in some way trying to show how clever you are to other people. And if you’re doing that on my site, you’d better be clever.
But don’t worry. I’m here to help. Allow me to use your comments as inspiration to entertain in the next few tumblr sized bites!
Ag
wellthatsjustgreat:

Thank you, parents of the world, for continuing to see absolutely no problem with placing you children’s asses on surfaces that will soon also accommodate my food.
I’m guessing this breeder has a bottle of hand sanitizer in her purse to protect her and her hatchling from everyone else’s disgusting germs. Meanwhile thanks to her I’m trying to figure out, “Is that cilantro I taste or is it ass?”
Ag

So, this post got reblogged today and received some strong comments and replies.

To everyone who got upset I apologize for any and all offense that I caused. I exaggerate for fun here and try to entertain as best I can but I never want to cause unhappiness.

However…

Since many of the reactions were less than well organized and some of them amounted to nothing more than ad hominem attacks on me, I am concerned that now those comments and replies are on WTJG. And they are not fun. They are not entertaining. They are just rude. And if you want to be rude to me, be rude to me. But if you think your thoughts are of sufficient value to post publicly then you are in some way trying to show how clever you are to other people. And if you’re doing that on my site, you’d better be clever.

But don’t worry. I’m here to help. Allow me to use your comments as inspiration to entertain in the next few tumblr sized bites!

Ag

wellthatsjustgreat:

Thank you, parents of the world, for continuing to see absolutely no problem with placing you children’s asses on surfaces that will soon also accommodate my food.

I’m guessing this breeder has a bottle of hand sanitizer in her purse to protect her and her hatchling from everyone else’s disgusting germs. Meanwhile thanks to her I’m trying to figure out, “Is that cilantro I taste or is it ass?”

Ag

Thank you, parents of the world, for continuing to see absolutely no problem with placing you children’s asses on surfaces that will soon also accommodate my food. 

I’m guessing this breeder has a bottle of hand sanitizer in her purse to protect her and her hatchling from everyone else’s disgusting germs. Meanwhile thanks to her I’m trying to figure out, “Is that cilantro I taste or is it ass?”

Ag

Thank you, parents of the world, for continuing to see absolutely no problem with placing you children’s asses on surfaces that will soon also accommodate my food.

I’m guessing this breeder has a bottle of hand sanitizer in her purse to protect her and her hatchling from everyone else’s disgusting germs. Meanwhile thanks to her I’m trying to figure out, “Is that cilantro I taste or is it ass?”

Ag

dontmakemagsmad answered your question: Sooooooo…

Didn’t realize I was following my dad… Jk, my dad isn’t nearly this preachy

Sincere Answer: Preachy? Sorry. I was going for condescending.

Ag Style Answer: You’re right. Your Dad isn’t as preachy. Your mom told me all about him last night.

Ag

Can I be home schooled?

- A young man just now at Epcot. I’m guessing he thinks home schooling would allow for trips to Walt Disney World at times when it isn’t hotter than the surface of the sun.

Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.
Me: For what?
Ducky: For taking me out.
Me: Kinda’ gotta, Ducky. You need to go potty.
Ducky: I know. But I can tell you don’t always want to. Especially when you’re comfy on the couch or in the daddy bed.
Me: It’s my job, Ducky. It’s what daddies do.
Ducky: Why didn’t you and mommy ever get one of those human doggies?
Me: …
Ducky: …
Me: You mean have a baby?
Ducky: Yeah. They seem very popular.
Me: They are. Just wasn’t right for your mom and me. And honestly I never thought I’d be a very good daddy.
Ducky: Why?
Me: Lots of reasons. I’m pretty selfish. Fairly lazy. I don’t make a lot of money. And then there are all of the things about me that don’t need to be passed on into the gene pool. I think I would feel awful if I created another depressed, anxious, underachieving loner. I can handle being unhappy. I don’t think I could handle having created an unhappy child.
Ducky: Oh. So all those people with human doggies decided to get them because they thought that they’d make great mommies and daddies?
Me: A lot of them did. But I think usually the condom just breaks.
Ducky: What does that mean?
Me: Never mind.
Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me, Daddy.
Me: You don’t always think so.
Ducky: You want consistent emotion, get a hamster.
Me: Fair enough.
Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me. Thanks for being my daddy.
Me: Thanks, Duck.
Ducky: Happy Daddies Day, Daddy. I love you.
Me: Thanks, Duck. I love you too.
Ag

Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.

Me: For what?

Ducky: For taking me out.

Me: Kinda’ gotta, Ducky. You need to go potty.

Ducky: I know. But I can tell you don’t always want to. Especially when you’re comfy on the couch or in the daddy bed.

Me: It’s my job, Ducky. It’s what daddies do.

Ducky: Why didn’t you and mommy ever get one of those human doggies?

Me:

Ducky:

Me: You mean have a baby?

Ducky: Yeah. They seem very popular.

Me: They are. Just wasn’t right for your mom and me. And honestly I never thought I’d be a very good daddy.

Ducky: Why?

Me: Lots of reasons. I’m pretty selfish. Fairly lazy. I don’t make a lot of money. And then there are all of the things about me that don’t need to be passed on into the gene pool. I think I would feel awful if I created another depressed, anxious, underachieving loner. I can handle being unhappy. I don’t think I could handle having created an unhappy child.

Ducky: Oh. So all those people with human doggies decided to get them because they thought that they’d make great mommies and daddies?

Me: A lot of them did. But I think usually the condom just breaks.

Ducky: What does that mean?

Me: Never mind.

Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me, Daddy.

Me: You don’t always think so.

Ducky: You want consistent emotion, get a hamster.

Me: Fair enough.

Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me. Thanks for being my daddy.

Me: Thanks, Duck.

Ducky: Happy Daddies Day, Daddy. I love you.

Me: Thanks, Duck. I love you too.

Ag

GPOYWYBATEBW
(Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself With Your Brother And The Easter Bunny Wednesday)
That’s me on the Man-Rabbit’s lap.
When I look at that hair all I can see is how obvious it is that my mom wanted girls.
Ag

GPOYWYBATEBW

(Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself With Your Brother And The Easter Bunny Wednesday)

That’s me on the Man-Rabbit’s lap.

When I look at that hair all I can see is how obvious it is that my mom wanted girls.

Ag