You know, if you chose brown instead of red for your logo it would look a little more like you help kitty cats and a little less like your CEO is the devil.
- Write a post about how ridiculous the overreaction to ebola is. Criticize the media for sensationalized, excessive coverage designed to drive ratings.
- Discover that said post has gotten more notes than anything you have written in months because, you know, ebola.
- Thoughtfully consider your role in the machine.
- Begin writing first post in eighteen post series on ebola. Wish soul a fond farewell.
As a professional internet, it’s my job to search the web for quality, intellectually stimulating content. Like this.
The heavens parted, and delivered unto us a scion of hope, a glimmer of immortality. This song.
Its been a few hours since I posted this and I’m pretty sure I’ve gone back to listen to it about twelve times now and each time it still makes me almost develop a hernia from laughing so much.
i’ve never loved something the way i love this post
Well Done: Batman canned goods.
You either die as a can of beans or live long enough to see yourself become a burrito.
Me: Hey, Duck.
Ducky: Hey, Daddy.
Me: Comfy under there?
Me: You like being able to crawl under the bed, don’t you?
Me: Like a little Ducky cave.
Ducky: Why have you taken this sudden interest in my Ducky cave?
Me: No reason.
Me: But we have been looking at other beds.
Ducky: Uh huh.
Me: Different styles.
Ducky: Uh huh.
Me: There’s this one style that has drawers underneath for storage.
Ducky: Ducky storage?
Me: No. Clothing storage. Blanket storage. Stuff like that.
Ducky: That sounds like it would impact leg room.
Me: A bit. But maybe we could find a different den for you. Like maybe you could hang out in the closet.
Ducky: Maybe you could store your stupid clothes on the bed and you and The Lady can hang out in the closet.
Me: So you’re saying you would prefer we keep this bed?
Ducky: That is what I am saying. Although if you kept this style I wouldn’t mind you bumping up to King.
Me: More leg room?
Ducky: More leg room.
Me: I love you, Ducky.
Ducky: I love you, Daddy.
|—||The Public Information Officer conducting a press conference today and attempting to calm the good people of Dallas. Unfortunately, she was talking to the good people of Dallas who, in attempting to figure out what “asymptomatic” means, will likely decide that it means ebola symptoms are shooting out of the people automatically.|
Ducky: Hey, Daddy?
Me: Almost done, Ducky.
Ducky: If you thought I was thirsty, I appreciate the thought. But water goes in the Ducky, not on the Ducky.
Me: Not this water.
Me: You needed a bath. It’s been weeks.
Ducky: I see. I had not considered that. In that case allow me to reconsider.
Ducky: Upon further reflection, thhhhhhhppt, thhhhhhhppt!
Me: Almost done. I love you, Ducky.