Well, That's Just Great
Dying
Not living long enough to finish this list.
 
  1. Dying
  2. Not living long enough to finish this list.
  3.  
"50 Secrets Your Vet Won’t Tell You."
1. Your dog smells awful.
2. “Abstinence-Only” education is as effective as neutering.
3. Advantage Flea Control is as expensive as it is because the money goes to flea crime lords who then focus their attention on dogs where they aren’t getting “protection money.”
4. Dogs lick their butts because dog poop tastes like Godiva Chocolate.
5. Vets request fecal samples because of number four.
6. FDR knew the Japanese were about to attack Pearl Harbor.
7. Your children are ugly.
8. Vets can tell if you masturbate without getting your pets out of the room.
9. Apple is already suffering from a lack of creativity and vision since the death of Steve Jobs.
10. Ant-Man will be in “The Avengers” this May.
11. Veterinarians are organizing a midnight raid of the headquarters of “1-800-PET MEDS.”12. “Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom” is worse than “Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.”
13.Your cat really, truly, without a shadow of a doubt does not give a shit about you.
14. The fourteenth item on any list is usually filler.
15. Your dog feels that a leash demeans you both…
16. Yet it loves wearing sweaters. Seriously.
17. Your texting and driving is freaking out your cat.
18. Your hamster wishes to stop being referred to as a “disposable pet.”
19. The goldfish won at fairs have an average lifespan greater that those of Galapagos Tortoises. 
20. That Galapagos Tortoise at the fair can’t be won without trading in four smaller animals. 
21. And that basketball hoop is smaller than it looks. And bouncy.
22. A blog post based on a list of fifty items seems like a good idea when you get started, but then gets less and less satisfying.
23. Bo Obama is not a purebred. Have you seen his AKC papers?
48. It is easy to lose count.
49. People usually don’t notice.
50. It’s the thought that counts.
Ag

"50 Secrets Your Vet Won’t Tell You."

1. Your dog smells awful.

2. “Abstinence-Only” education is as effective as neutering.

3. Advantage Flea Control is as expensive as it is because the money goes to flea crime lords who then focus their attention on dogs where they aren’t getting “protection money.”

4. Dogs lick their butts because dog poop tastes like Godiva Chocolate.

5. Vets request fecal samples because of number four.

6. FDR knew the Japanese were about to attack Pearl Harbor.

7. Your children are ugly.

8. Vets can tell if you masturbate without getting your pets out of the room.

9. Apple is already suffering from a lack of creativity and vision since the death of Steve Jobs.

10. Ant-Man will be in “The Avengers” this May.

11. Veterinarians are organizing a midnight raid of the headquarters of “1-800-PET MEDS.”
12. “Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom” is worse than “Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.”

13.Your cat really, truly, without a shadow of a doubt does not give a shit about you.

14. The fourteenth item on any list is usually filler.

15. Your dog feels that a leash demeans you both…

16. Yet it loves wearing sweaters. Seriously.

17. Your texting and driving is freaking out your cat.

18. Your hamster wishes to stop being referred to as a “disposable pet.”

19. The goldfish won at fairs have an average lifespan greater that those of Galapagos Tortoises. 

20. That Galapagos Tortoise at the fair can’t be won without trading in four smaller animals. 

21. And that basketball hoop is smaller than it looks. And bouncy.

22. A blog post based on a list of fifty items seems like a good idea when you get started, but then gets less and less satisfying.

23. Bo Obama is not a purebred. Have you seen his AKC papers?

48. It is easy to lose count.

49. People usually don’t notice.

50. It’s the thought that counts.

Ag

This is the extraordinary thing about creativity: If just you keep your mind resting against the subject in a friendly but persistent way, sooner or later you will get a reward from your unconscious.
John Cleese shares 5 factors to make your life more creative in this classic 1991 talk. (via explore-blog)

(Source: )

Still Even More Things That Have Never Been Said

wellthatsjustgreat:

  • If this is going to be the only time in your life that you visit the United States you simply must spend the week in Laramie.
  • If I had to choose one word to describe the ball pit at that Chuck E. Cheese it would be “sanitary.”
  • Margaritas are twice the normal price until 6:00.
  • The good news is that we are going to have a three hour layover in Cheyenne.
  • The laugh track on “The Big Bang Theory” is far too subtle for my tastes.
  • Do you have a Band-Aid or a ladle?
  • These NBA officials call traveling far too often.
  • I swear, if any more people check on me to tell me that I am loved and appreciated today I think I’ll have to follow through with my plan to end it all.
  • I like all flavors of Kool-Aid except for red.
  • Be careful. The way it is acting…I think that earthworm is rabid.

Ag

Even more things that have never been said..

Rewind Sunday

wellthatsjustgreat:

  • Would you like to downsize that to a medium?
  • You know, if you gained another 150 pounds you would look great in that fairy costume.
  • Please stop refilling my soda.
  • Really? I had no idea Hugh Laurie was actually British and was faking an American accent. Thank you for being the only one to tell me.
  • Being a professional sportscaster I feel the need to protect my reputation and refrain from predicting who I think will win this upcoming game.
  • As a professional sportscaster I feel I must remind everyone watching that the final results of that contest were in fact the exact opposite of my pre-game prediction.
  • Damn you, Strawberry Shortcake! Damn you straight to hell!
  • For the life of me I cannot find any porn anywhere on the internet.
  • Wow, the audio mix on that Jay-Z/Alicia Keyes performance before Game Two was PERFECT!!!
  • You’re a Yankee fan? I had no idea. You keep that pretty close to the vest

Ag

Things that have never been said

Rewind Sunday:

wellthatsjustgreat:

  • Oh, thank God you called! We’re completely out of celery!
  • I can’t decide. Should I get the colonoscopy now or wait until my baby teeth have all fallen out?
  • Your computer isn’t working? Whatever you do do not unplug it and wait a few minutes before plugging it back in.
  • Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It is about two weeks until my next confession.
  • I wish this baseball game would just slow down.
  • Tomorrow’s forecast: an eight percent chance of rain.
  • I’m sorry to interrupt. I know that none of you have noticed it yet, but I wanted to warn all of you that I have passed gas.
  • When you see the snap from center to quarterback fumbled like that you can be sure it’s one thing: witchcraft.
  • I am so sick of hearing about Grover Cleveland.
  • I have a wicked craving for Panda Express.
Ag
Things I live without and have no problems…

iwasjustsayin:

1. Microwave

2. Dishwasher

Things I live without and have no problems…

  1. Self Esteem
  2. A normal sized nose
  3. Health (Physical)
  4. Health (Mental)
  5. Health (Spiritual)
  6. A bright future
  7. Pringles
  8. Breasts
  9. Fallopian Tubes
  10. Philippine Tubes (like Fallopian Tubes, but sexier and more exotic)
  11. Mad rapping skills (you know, like Eminem)
  12. Mad raping skills (you know, like Emine…uh…Jack the Ripper)
  13. A burning sensation when I pee
  14. A sense that I need to pee if I get burned.
  15. A profound sense of deja vu
  16. A profound sense of deja vu
  17. Anything watermelon flavored
  18. Anything green apple flavored
  19. Your mom (since fall of 2009)
  20. Chapstick
  21. Healthy, supple lips
  22. An ability to edit down lists
  23. spel chekers
  24. News about Tiger Woods
  25. Screen caps of Harry Potter films (good bye 50-120 tumblr followers)
  26. Your shit
  27. The number twenty-eight
  28. Telling the truth
  29. Ongoing success in life
  30. A decent idea for another video.

Ag

Still Even More Things That Have Never Been Said
  • If this is going to be the only time in your life that you visit the United States you simply must spend the week in Laramie.
  • If I had to choose one word to describe the ball pit at that Chuck E. Cheese it would be “sanitary.”
  • Margaritas are twice the normal price until 6:00.
  • The good news is that we are going to have a three hour layover in Cheyenne.
  • The laugh track on “The Big Bang Theory” is far too subtle for my tastes.
  • Do you have a Band-Aid or a ladle?
  • These NBA officials call traveling far too often.
  • I swear, if any more people check on me to tell me that I am loved and appreciated today I think I’ll have to follow through with my plan to end it all.
  • I like all flavors of Kool-Aid except for red.
  • Be careful. The way it is acting…I think that earthworm is rabid.

Ag

50 Worst Movies Of All Time

culby:

nerdology:

… according to Empire.  But I guess someone has to make these list…

I can tell it’s going to be a productive day today, because I’ve blown the first 30 minutes of my workday reading this.

Even more things that have never been said..
  • Would you like to downsize that to a medium?
  • You know, if you gained another 150 pounds you would look great in that fairy costume.
  • Please stop refilling my soda.
  • Really? I had no idea Hugh Laurie was actually British and was faking an American accent. Thank you for being the only one to tell me.
  • Being a professional sportscaster I feel the need to protect my reputation and refrain from predicting who I think will win this upcoming game.
  • As a professional sportscaster I feel I must remind everyone watching that the final results of that contest were in fact the exact opposite of my pre-game prediction.
  • Damn you, Strawberry Shortcake! Damn you straight to hell!
  • For the life of me I cannot find any porn anywhere on the internet.
  • Wow, the audio mix on that Jay-Z/Alicia Keyes performance before Game Two was PERFECT!!!
  • You’re a Yankee fan? I had no idea. You keep that pretty close to the vest

Ag