Well, That's Just Great

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Posts tagged with "life"

I wake up every morning not sure if today will be one of those days where I will be deeply saddened by how judgmental and selfish we have all become and I will wish we could all just show a little bit more understanding and patience towards one another or if it will be one of those days where I believe with all my heart that I need to have the right to punch you in the kidneys if you’re in front of me at Chipotle and you don’t know how to order.

- Ag

Why I don't have many friends.

  • Me (Inner Monologue): Wow. This person is awesome. We're so compatible. We could be such great friends!
  • Me (Out Loud): Oh look! Have you ever seen this (points to DVD of favorite movie)?
  • Her: Yeah. It was okay. A little weird though. I just didn't get it.
  • Me: ...
  • Me (Inner Monologue): How did it take me this long to realize she was a moron?

You can never laugh too much or have too many orgasms.

- Michael Faudet  (via michaelfaudet)

FYI: This rule does not apply at job interviews.

I really wanted to be a funeral director too.

Ag

Sometimes I wish I was a professional wrestler. But then I realize all I really want is to be allowed to work in my underwear.

Sure, you can say I fucked up again.

But I prefer to think of it as “I’m a Dumbass (Reprise).”

Nov 9
Nov 3

…aaaand Tom Hanks has his hand caught in a pickle jar.

“You have to let go. No, let go of the PICKLE.”
“But I want a pickle.” 

#sometimes i remember that tom hanks exists and the world seems a better place.

There’s a metaphor for my life here.

"Let go of the pickle."

"But I want the pickle."

Ag

ellemacattack:

Thought of the day

I may need this as a tattoo. Ag

ellemacattack:

Thought of the day

I may need this as a tattoo.

Ag

You don’t deserve the best of me if you don’t accept the rest of me.

wellthatsjustducky:

Me: You look happy, Ducky!
Ducky: I am! Thanks for making it cooler in here!
Me: You’re welcome. But I didn’t really do it. Summer just ended. Finally.
Ducky: Well, thanks for not stopping summer from ending!
Me: I always appreciate your steadfast faith in my omnipotence. At least when good things happen.
Ducky: You look happy too!
Me: Yeah. I had a good week.
Ducky: That’s rare.
Me: Probably not as rare as I let myself believe. But this week really was good. And I’m going to let myself be happy about it.
Ducky: Good.
Me: But this is the best part of my week.
Ducky: Lying on the floor?
Me: With you. Yup.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Maybe your weeks really aren’t that great.
Me: No, Duck. I’ve just reached the point that I know what really makes me happy. I know what matters. And I forget sometime, and sometimes I let things that aren’t important to me upset me. But I’ve gotten better at letting myself enjoy the moments that matter.
Ducky: …
Me: Like lying on the floor with my best buddy.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Does rubbing my head and belly matter?
Me: It makes you happy. So it matters a lot.
Ducky: I love you, Daddy.
Me: I love you, Ducky.

wellthatsjustducky:

Me: You look happy, Ducky!

Ducky: I am! Thanks for making it cooler in here!

Me: You’re welcome. But I didn’t really do it. Summer just ended. Finally.

Ducky: Well, thanks for not stopping summer from ending!

Me: I always appreciate your steadfast faith in my omnipotence. At least when good things happen.

Ducky: You look happy too!

Me: Yeah. I had a good week.

Ducky: That’s rare.

Me: Probably not as rare as I let myself believe. But this week really was good. And I’m going to let myself be happy about it.

Ducky: Good.

Me: But this is the best part of my week.

Ducky: Lying on the floor?

Me: With you. Yup.

Ducky:

Me:

Ducky: Maybe your weeks really aren’t that great.

Me: No, Duck. I’ve just reached the point that I know what really makes me happy. I know what matters. And I forget sometime, and sometimes I let things that aren’t important to me upset me. But I’ve gotten better at letting myself enjoy the moments that matter.

Ducky:

Me: Like lying on the floor with my best buddy.

Ducky:

Me:

Ducky: Does rubbing my head and belly matter?

Me: It makes you happy. So it matters a lot.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy.

Me: I love you, Ducky.