Well, That's Just Great
Gene Shalit-O-Matic back in operation…

Amazing?

More like the a-MEH-zing Spider-Man.

Ag

Super 8: Reviewed By The Gene Shalit-O-Matic

Super 8 was SUPER! And I ATE it up! It was one tasty Abrams Spielberg-er with just the right amount of cheese!

And J.J. Abrams? More like J.J. Walker because his direction was DY-NO-MITE!!!

J.J. Walker

I give Super 8 and Super Duper 10!

This is Gene Shalit! Kill me now!

(Ag’s Note: Hmmm. Pretty much had it down there, but we may have calibrated the machine a bit too perfectly. That awkward burst of self awareness at the end is the kind of thing the real Gene tends to keep inside. Must keep fine tuning)

Gene Shalit-O-Matic Reviews “True Grit”

"True Grit?" More like "Truly Great!"

Jeff crosses the “Bridge”s from his role in “Tron” to play Rooster Cogburn, a role originated by John Wayne. Bridges performance goes “Wayne” beyond John’s as he he plays a U.S. Marshall who has led a life of excess. So much so that it wouldn’t surprise me to find out the good Marshall had contracted a venereal disease that cause this Rooster’s “Cock (to) Burn!”

So will this western encourage Hollywood to make other movies about cowboys? And how, boy!

Gene Shalit-O-Matic

Hmm. That whole venereal disease thing was a little awkward, but at least the old GSOM seems back to its original programming.

Ag 

Finally going to see True Grit today

Time to fire up the Gene-Shalit-O-Matic! This one is almost too easy!

Ag

The Gene Shalit-O-Matic Reviews “Star Wars Episode One-The Phantom Menace”

Time to turn back on the Gene Shalit-O-Matic!

Star Wars Episode One-The Phantom Menace? More Like “Star Wars Episode One: What a piece of shit!. Seriously. How can there still be apologists for this abomination? 

Hmmm. Not exactly the right Gene Shalit like tone, but you can’t argue with the conclusions!

Ag

The Gene Shalit-O-Matic Reviews “Young Frankenstein.”

The Gene Shalit-O-Matic is back:

I go wild for mustache wax but I went “Wilder” for Gene Wilder in Mel Brooks’ mad creation, “Young Frankenstein!”

Marty Feldman gives an “eye popping” performance that I have a “hunch” will be remembered come Oscar time. And what of Teri Garr?

More like Teri Grrrrrrrrr! I’d bury my mustache so far in her that she’d…I mean…Teri Garr is Teri “Great!” 

So get to the theater early or you’ll be screaming, “It’s a line! IT’S A LINE!!!!!!!”

Hmmm. Looks like I need to tweak the libido on the old Gene Shalit-O-Matic down a few notches.

Ag

Gene Shalit-O-Matic Reviews “The Philadelphia Story”

The Gene Shalit-O-Matic can take any movie and in just a few moments can produce the kind of vague, pun filled, thoroughly unhelpful review made famous by Gene Shalit. Submit your suggestions today!

The Philadelphia Story

"The Philadelphia Story"  I sure got my "Phil" of this story! Lordy, Lordy Katharine Hep- "burned" up the screen as Tracy Lord while Jimmy was a good "Steward" of the shraply penned script. And I’ll "Grant" you this, Cary’s performance was C. Dexter "Heaven."

You’ll have no worries with this “Story,” and this is one trip to “Philadelphia” where you don’t have to worry about getting raped on the subway.

Hmmm…The Shalit-O-Matic went kinda’ dark there at the end. Wonder if that’s a fluke? Guess we’ll see.

Ag

Gene Shalit-O-Matic

Feel free to submit any movies you would like run through the “Gene Shalit-O-Matic!” New movies, classics, whatever! I will attempt to give them my best, awful, bad pun filled Gene Shalit style studio ass-kissing review!

So, waddya’ got?

I loved this Sorcerer…and I’m not Ap”reteding!”
Ag continuing with his salute to the hackiest critic on TV with my best guess at Gene Shalit’s review of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. But again, pretty entertaining.
Inception was ‘inception’-al!
Ag channeling Gene Shalit in all his hackiness. But it really was good.