At the grocery store. Orange juice was available as:
- No Pulp
- With Pulp
- MORE Pulp
- LOADED With Pulp
They did not have the other levels which are, in order of increasing pulpitude:
- Loaded With Even More Pulp
- Extra Loaded With Lots Of Pulp
- Holy Shit, That’s A Lot Of Pulp
- Seriously. There’s A Lot Of Pulp In This Motherfucker.
- Stop Fucking With Me. Who Would Want This Much Pulp?
- I’m Not Fucking With You. There’s So Much God Damned Pulp In This Sumbitch That You Should Forget A Straw Because You’ll Need A Fucking Ladle.
- Screw The Ladle. Get A Carving Knife.
- No Longer Juice. Slightly Damp Pulp.
- An Orange
awlekrjawlejrlwejrwlr woh my god
It’s making the rounds again. I guess I would have been better off turning this post into a book.
Don’t tell Ducky.
My favorite thing about the WWE Network so far? Reminders of things I’d forgotten. Like the fact that in 1983 Abdullah the Butcher could terrify opponents even while wearing what appeared to be Mickey Mouse’s pants.
I am honestly unsure if I am being asked if I am a “bottom line” kind of guy or if I’m being asked if I have ass creases.
We’ve been asked to create a gift registry for relatives who want to buy us something to congratulate us on the wedding. Since we don’t really need anything I just want to create the single most uncomfortable gift registry ever.
* Sex Swing, Black
* Adolph Hitler And Eva Braun Salt and Pepper Shaker Set
* Case Of Disposable Catheters
* Gift Card For A Colon Cleansing (With Happy Finish)
* His And Her Nose Hair Trimmers
* Kaopectate (or other anti-diarrheal) - Value Sized Bottle
I just love the idea of someone scanning this list and saying, “See how much the catheters are. Maybe we can all chip in on that. “
I know I don’t have much experience with them but I had no idea that tampons were that big and had handles. #wow #uncomfortable
The kinds of conversations we have
Me: So, kids are potty trained at like, what, two?
Gizmo: I guess. Two or three.
Me: Wow. So when you have a kid you are committing to wiping another human being's ass for three years?
Me: And this is a human being you've never even met!
Gizmo: Uh huh.
Me: It's not like your brother calls you and says, "I need to ask a favor. Will you wipe my ass for three years?" No this is like, "Hey, you know when you told the RA that you wanted a roommate? Well he's moving in with you in nine months and you'll need to wipe his ass whenever he poops until the end of his junior year."
Me: Parents are insane.
Hmmm. We may be having difficulty communicating due to generational differences or perhaps how our diverse life experiences have shaped our unique world views but I’m willing to wager that the real issue is that you’re just a self absorbed douche.
No one loves Dead Mickey as much as his best girl, Zombie Minnie! #creepy #disney