See Original Post From A Tumblr Follower On Dash:

Eeeeee my birthday is in ONE week!

Post Witty Reply:

In your honor next week I will frighten as many pregnant women as I can in hopes of inducing labor and creating as many “Rachelings” as possible. Your birthday will be remembered. Oh. It will be remembered. In exchange, please visit me in prison. Ag

Receive Positive Reply From Follower:

HAHA! Please do so. But you have to make sure that they are named Rachel, otherwise, what’s the point? 

Of course I’ll visit you. 

Add To Conversation Using Your Mad “Yes, And…” Improvisational Skills:

I shall frighten them by screaming “YOU SHOULD NAME YOUR BABY RACHEL!!!! AAIIIIIGGGHHHH!!!!!” Should work. Please bake a file in a chocolate lava cake. Thanks! Ag

Receive Reply In Which Follower Reveals Deeply Held Personal Conviction:

LOL I think it’ll totally work. 

Your cake will be vegan, hope you don’t mind :)

Use That Deeply Held Conviction To Make With The Funny:

As long as the file is made from veal we’re cool. Ag

Say Goodbye To Follower.

Learn from me children. Learn from me!

Ag

It’s like Christmas morning! Except instead of joy and anticipation I feel soul wrenching pain and an overwhelming sense of failure as a human being.

Oh, and instead of a living room filled with presents, a tree, and those who love me, I’m going to be in fucking Lakeland, Florida.

So really it’s nothing like Christmas. Disregard.

Ag