Well, That's Just Great

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Posts tagged with "divorce"

To My Friend Going Through Divorce.

Ten Things To Know:

  1. It sucks ass. 
  2. You are stronger than you realize and can get through this.
  3. Point Two does not in any way change Point One.
  4. Getting divorced is horrible. Being divorced is much better. Keep reminding yourself that.
  5. You will be surprised at how many very kind people will be there for you to help you get through this if you choose to turn to them. 
  6. A few of those people will actually be helpful. Most will be clueless. Cut them some slack. They mean well.
  7. Be open to the insight that others offer. Think about what they have shared and how it relates to your situation.
  8. After you have seriously considered the above insight, wish them well; wave goodbye; and after they’re out of sight say, “Fuck That Shit!” if it doesn’t apply to you because your path through this will be unlike anyone else’s. 
  9. The only right timeline is the timeline that feels right to you. No timeline will feel good, but one will feel right.
  10. It sucks ass.

Balloons

Rewind Sunday: Pre-Divorce. Depression at close to the low point. This was the first “balloon” post.

wellthatsjustgreat:

When I was a kid and went to Walt Disney World (my family took me twice) I always wanted a Mickey Mouse balloon. Those “only at Disney” ear shaped balloons called out to me.

But even as a kid I was painfully logical. I had a limited amount of souvenir money saved and a balloon was a extravagant purchase. I saw that even by the end of the day one ear was smaller than the other and knew by the next morning the whole thing would be bumping around the hotel floor.

So I never bought one.

When my wife and I were dating she learned pretty quickly that balloons of any kind were a good way to pick me up or say I love you. And on our honeymoon to Disney after much laborious hinting she went and got one while I saved a spot on Main Street for us to watch the Spectromagic Parade. I know it’s silly, but few things bring me more happiness than a Disney balloon.

This year on my birthday, separated from my wife, she sent me a bunch of Disney balloons at work. She knew how hard that day was going to be for me alone and knew that balloons were about the only thing appropriate that could help, even if only in a small way. As one of the few gifts I received, the balloons helped get me through a rough night.

I have realized that balloons don’t quite mean as much to others as they do to me, but as I sit here waiting for the Main Street Electrical Parade to transport me back to that first visit I find myself watching the balloon vendors and trying to decide if a balloon purchase is too extravagant for a silly old man.

Ag

Hmmm…

Looking at those divorce posts again was…interesting. Might be time to revisit.

Ag 

How did you and Belle know it was time to divorce?

Anonymous

As always when discussing this, our reasons are our own. No villains here. But:

Detailed Answer: Here. And a little bit of the first post about diviorce here.

Pithy But Pretty True Looking Back Answer: We knew we had tried everything. We weren’t mad at each other. We could talk about it without breaking down (in anger or sadness) every time). And we knew that the life that would await us if we stayed together would have been okay, but not what we wanted or deserved.

Ag Style Answer: Court Clerk said, “NEXT!!!!!”

It seemed to me I had known always that it would happen, and here it was. I felt helpless, that helplessness you feel when you have no talent to offer - outside of loving your husband. How could I compete? Everything Lloyd loved about me, he had gotten used to long ago.

- Karen Richards in All About Eve. Rest in peace, Celeste Holm.

Jul 2

The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test

cwnerd12:

Okay, here’s a personality test I had to take for my latest CW class for Full Sail.  It’s a test for how your personality type deals with people and problems and figures shit out.  I had to take it and discuss how I create characters who are similar to me- it made me realize that my male characters tend to be idealists struggling with a less-than ideal reality and my female characters tend to be the strong take-no-shit type.  Oh, well, they’re still unique in their own ways. XD  Anyway, gonna take the test as my characters and see what I get.  I’d be curious to see if any of my writer friends on tumblr take it, in character or out of it, and see what they get.  An explanation of the personality types is here.

I often get ENTP, but INTP for me this time. Let’s see if any of it applies…

  • INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.

That’s ridiculous! I was married! Hmmm. But what happened to that marriage? Oh yeah!

Never mind.

Ag


wellthatsjustgreat:

wellthatsjustgreat:

Rewind Sunday:
Was talking about this post today with a friend. Some of Ducky’s best work. :-)
wellthatsjustgreat:

Ducky: You OK, Dad?
Me: Yeah. Sorry about last night.
Ducky: You were pretty upset. Did something happen? Did you lose a toy?
Me: Ha. No. Just feeling lonely.
Ducky: I understand. That’s how I feel when you go to work. But you always come back so I can deal.
Me: Yeah. It’s a different kind of lonely, Duck. You wouldn’t understand.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Can I tell you a story, Dad?
Me: …Ok.
Ducky: You know you weren’t my first Daddy, right?
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: I loved my first Daddy very much. He took care of me when I was very young. He taught me how to sit, and shake hands, and walk on a leash. He pet me. He made me feel very special.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: And then one day he left. And left me behind.
Me: At that apartment complex.
Ducky. Yup. And I looked for him for a long time. And when I couldn’t find him I waited for him to come back. And when he didn’t come back, I just sat in those fields spent my days wondering what I did to drive him away. And if I was going to be alone forever.
Me: Sorry, Duck. That must have been awful.
Ducky: But then Judy showed up.
Me: From the shelter.
Ducky: Yup. And she cleaned me up, and took care of me, gave me a place to live, and was a really good friend to me when I needed it. If she hadn’t found me I don’t know what would have happened.
Me: She’s a good person.
Ducky: Yeah. But not a daddy. Do you remember when you found me?
Me: Yeah. At that event at work. Your mom and I had lost Sam a few months earlier. We walked around the corner and there you were.
Ducky: Yup with those two younger, cuter puppies in the crate right next to me.
Me: Yeah. I opened up your crate and you crawled right onto my lap. Like you belonged there.
Ducky: Uh huh. That’s where I was supposed to be. And I didn’t know it until it you were right there in front of me. Until then I really thought I would never have another Daddy. Not a real one.
Me: A real one?
Ducky: Dogs can tell when they have a real daddy and when they’re just being “kept” because they’re fun or cute.
Me: Ah.
Ducky: But you were real. And I found my home that day. I still love and miss my first Daddy, but I am so glad to be here with you.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: Being lonely and alone hurt, but it got me to a place where I found my real Daddy. So taking the long view, it was worth the pain.
Me: …
Ducky: You’re gonna’ be ok, Daddy.
Me: Thanks, Duck. Love you.
Ducky: Love you too, Daddy.
Ag

wellthatsjustgreat:

wellthatsjustgreat:

Rewind Sunday:

Was talking about this post today with a friend. Some of Ducky’s best work. :-)

wellthatsjustgreat:

Ducky: You OK, Dad?

Me: Yeah. Sorry about last night.

Ducky: You were pretty upset. Did something happen? Did you lose a toy?

Me: Ha. No. Just feeling lonely.

Ducky: I understand. That’s how I feel when you go to work. But you always come back so I can deal.

Me: Yeah. It’s a different kind of lonely, Duck. You wouldn’t understand.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: Can I tell you a story, Dad?

Me: …Ok.

Ducky: You know you weren’t my first Daddy, right?

Me: Yeah.

Ducky: I loved my first Daddy very much. He took care of me when I was very young. He taught me how to sit, and shake hands, and walk on a leash. He pet me. He made me feel very special.

Me: Yeah.

Ducky: And then one day he left. And left me behind.

Me: At that apartment complex.

Ducky. Yup. And I looked for him for a long time. And when I couldn’t find him I waited for him to come back. And when he didn’t come back, I just sat in those fields spent my days wondering what I did to drive him away. And if I was going to be alone forever.

Me: Sorry, Duck. That must have been awful.

Ducky: But then Judy showed up.

Me: From the shelter.

Ducky: Yup. And she cleaned me up, and took care of me, gave me a place to live, and was a really good friend to me when I needed it. If she hadn’t found me I don’t know what would have happened.

Me: She’s a good person.

Ducky: Yeah. But not a daddy. Do you remember when you found me?

Me: Yeah. At that event at work. Your mom and I had lost Sam a few months earlier. We walked around the corner and there you were.

Ducky: Yup with those two younger, cuter puppies in the crate right next to me.

Me: Yeah. I opened up your crate and you crawled right onto my lap. Like you belonged there.

Ducky: Uh huh. That’s where I was supposed to be. And I didn’t know it until it you were right there in front of me. Until then I really thought I would never have another Daddy. Not a real one.

Me: A real one?

Ducky: Dogs can tell when they have a real daddy and when they’re just being “kept” because they’re fun or cute.

Me: Ah.

Ducky: But you were real. And I found my home that day. I still love and miss my first Daddy, but I am so glad to be here with you.

Me: Yeah.

Ducky: Being lonely and alone hurt, but it got me to a place where I found my real Daddy. So taking the long view, it was worth the pain.

Me: …

Ducky: You’re gonna’ be ok, Daddy.

Me: Thanks, Duck. Love you.

Ducky: Love you too, Daddy.

Ag

Life Changing Moment Number…

There are moments in one’s life where something happens, or a choice is made, and that person’s life sets off in a direction that it otherwise would not. And for me, I have begun to realize that it is less the choices or events that have impacted my life and more the people who have come into my life as a result of those choices and events.

I was accepted into Penn State but for primarily financial reasons, chose to attend a local state school, Millersville University. While that probably impacted my life in many ways, none were more important than the fact that I wouldn’t have met Belle if I went to Penn State. Would I have met someone else? Probably. Would I have divorced them? I hope not. But if not, would my path have changed and would I have never met Gizmo? Or met her at a different time and therefore never fallen in love?

I am nearing another one of those moments. I am about to head in yet another new career direction with my employer. And this time more than ever before I am keenly aware that this next change, and the people in my life as a result of it, will have an enormous impact on where I am professionally, personally, and spiritually five or ten years from now.

Is there an elegant French phrase for, “Can’t my life just settle down because I’m getting too old for this shit?”

Ag

May 5

See? I'm divorced. So it's fun to play to the stereotype.

  • Her: I wouldn't recognize her without glasses.
  • Him: Well, she still wears glasses. She just didn't want to wear them at her wedding.
  • Me: I understand. Who wants to see that coming?