Last Sunday’s new Ducky post from wellthatsjustducky. Remember to follow us over there for new posts every Sunday at 7:00 p.m. ET!

Ducky: This is weird.

Me: I thought it might make bath time less stressful.

Ducky: I didn’t know baths made you stressed.

Me: Not me, you.

Ducky: I don’t like baths.

Me: I am aware of that.

Ducky: And you thought adding another body to the tub would make it more enjoyable?

Me: It’s like a party.

Ducky: …

Me: Party in the tub!

Ducky: This is weird.

Me: Well sue me for trying something new.

Ducky: You’re wearing pants in the bath tub. That’s weird.

Me: It’s a swimsuit.

Ducky: I’m not wearing a swimsuit. Why are you?

Me: If I wasn’t this would be weird.

Ducky: …

Me: Weirder.

Ducky: Rinse me, old man.

Me: Me first.

Ducky: Weirdo.

Me: I love you, Ducky.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy.

Ag

Last Sunday’s new Ducky Post from wellthatsjustducky:

Ducky: You look tired.

Me: I am.

Ducky: Ran again today?

Me: Yup. A half marathon. And we saw a doggie run the whole thing with his daddy!

Ducky: …

Me: Over 13 miles.

Ducky: …

Me: Maybe we could start training you for that.

Ducky: …

Me: ..

Ducky: No need. I am already tired fairly regularly. 

Me: That’s not why you run.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: How long was that doggie running?

Me: About two and a half hours.

Ducky: Uh huh. And while that doggie was doing that, what was I doing?

Me: I’m guessing sleeping.

Ducky: Since I was asleep from the time you left until now, good guess.

Me: Not interested in running?

Ducky: I’m not saying that. But I’m working on soaring with my strengths first.

Me: You are good at sleeping.

Ducky: Yup. Slept all morning. You know what I have planned for the afternoon?

Me: Sleeping?

Ducky: Bingo. I’m pulling a double. I bet that dog isn’t doing another half marathon.

Me: No, I would bet not.

Ducky: What do you think he is doing this afternoon?

Me: Probably sleeping.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: Jack of all trades, master of none.

Me: That’s one way of looking at it.

Ducky: Thanks for wanting to run with me.

Me: Always want to be with you, Duck. But I think you’re right. Focus on the sleeping. It’s your special gift.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy.

Me: I love you, Ducky.

Ag

Last Sunday’s New Ducky Post! Remember, new posts every Sunday at 7:00 pm ET at wellthatsjustducky:

Ducky: You seen the cat?

Me: …

Scooter: …

Ducky: …

Me: No.

Scooter: …

Ducky: She got scared of the vacuum and ran all the way up the stairs. Proverbial “Scaredy Cat” if you will!

Me: …

Scooter: …

Ducky: …

Me: You did the same thing.

Ducky: Incorrect. I went half-way up the stairs. And solely to allow you easy access to the cat hair covered carpet downstairs.

Me: It seems to be mainly dog hair that is getting sucked up.

Scooter: …

Ducky: The cat steals my fur at night and spreads it around the house.

Me: How does she do that, exactly?

Scooter: …

Ducky: Very quietly so as not to wake you.

Me: Clever. But you weren’t scared of the vacuum?

Scooter: …

Ducky: Nope.

Me: Then why were you barking at it?

Scooter: …

Ducky: Ergonomics.

Me: Ergonomics?

Scooter: …

Ducky: You were bending wrong. I was warning you so you wouldn’t injure your back.

Me: Very kind of you. Why don’t you come down now?

Scooter: …

Ducky: You should put the vacuum away first.

Me: Why?

Scooter: …

Ducky: Ergonomics.

Me: That makes no sense.

Scooter: Maybe that’s why you hurt your back.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Scooter: Meow.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy.

Me: I love you, Ducky.

Ag

Last week’s new Ducky post. Remember to go to Well, That’s Just Ducky for this week’s new post every week at 7:00 pm ET.

wellthatsjustducky:

Me: Go inside, Ducky.

Ducky: Is it dinner time?

Me: Not yet.

Ducky: Then your suggestion fails to engage me on either an intellectual or emotional level.

Me: …

Ducky: I mean I prefer to stay outs…

Me: I know what it means.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy. Nice day.

Me: I love you, Ducky. Yes it is.

Ag

Last Sunday’s New Ducky Post From wellthatsjustducky:

Ducky: New tree?

Me: Yup. The lady brought it from her old house.

Ducky: Smells like the cat.

Me: Scooter used to live in that house, yes.

Ducky: We were looking to further increase the cat stink in here?

Me: It doesn’t smell like cat in here.

Ducky: Acclimation, thy name is human nose.

Me: …

Ducky: See, dogs have good sniffers.

Me: Yes, I know.

Ducky: What was wrong with our old tree?

Me: Remember how it used to fall on you?

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: That’s not a Christmas tradition everywhere?

Me: No. Just here.

Ducky: Can’t say I’ll miss it.

Me: Me neither.

Ducky: We should start a new tradition!

Me: …

Ducky: …

Me: We are not going to try to make the new tree fall on Scooter.

Ducky: I just want her to feel like part of the family during the cherished holiday season.

Me: …

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: And I enjoy upsetting that cat.

Me: I know you do. But no cat squashing.

Ducky: Okay, Mr. Grinch. I love you.

Me: Love you too, Ducky.

Ag

Yesterday’s new Ducky post!

Remember, new Ducky posts every Sunday at 7 pm ET at wellthatsjustducky:

Ducky: You seem mopey, Daddy.

Me: Lil’ bit.

Ducky: This seems different than usual.

Me: Yeah. There’s actually a reason this time. 

Ducky: Are you hungry? If I’m mopey, that’s usually the reason.

Me: No.  

Ducky: Did you upset someone by chewing up their shoe? And now that person is mad at you?

Me: Closer to something like that. There are just some people who don’t care for me so much.

Ducky: Because you chewed all their shoes?

Me: No. They just don’t like my personality. And usually it doesn’t bother me. But sometimes it’s no fun not being the popular kid at school.

Ducky: Oh.

Me: …

Ducky: But lots of people like you.

Me: I wouldn’t say lots.

Ducky: The lady likes you. And you’ve mentioned others.

Me: Yeah. I know. But there are other people who don’t like me.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: Some people don’t like me.

Me: Not too many.

Ducky: I know. It helps that I’m adorable. But I can tell. Some people look at me and I can tell they don’t like me. They wish I would go the other way. I haven’t even done anything, they just don’t care for me.

Me: Some people just aren’t “dog people,” Ducky.

Ducky: So you’ve said. But you’ve introduced me to people who you’ve said aren’t “dog people” and once they get to know me, most of them like me. 

Me: Being adorable helps.

Ducky: These people who don’t like you, do they really know you? Like have they played tug with you?

Me: People don’t do that.

Ducky: No wonder you’re mopey. But do they know the real you? The you that the lady and I love?

Me: …

Ducky: …

Me: Not really. Away from you and the lady I can’t always be the real me.

Ducky: So maybe it’s not you. Maybe they just aren’t “daddy people.”

Me: …

Ducky: Daddy, if someone really isn’t a ‘dog person” is there a good chance that they’ll never like me no matter how adorable I am?

Me: A very good chance, unfortunately.

Ducky: So it seems like their problem, not mine. So I’m going to choose to not worry about the ones who don’t like what they think I am and focus on the ones who do like who I really am.

Me: …

Ducky: …

Me: Seems like a good idea. I love you, Ducky.

Ducky: I love you too, Daddy.

wellthatsjustgreat:

Um, I didn’t even read this this article but I know what the five major obstacles are to putting humans on Mars.

1. It’s like, really fucking far away.The catapult would have to be like so huge it would cost like a million dollars. And then you’d have to aim it. And since it’s so far away that means like aiming it at a dot which would probably be really hard so you’d have to use a laser and shit. So add like another hundred dollars for the laser. And maybe another fifty for the guy who is like trained to aim the laser. What if we only planned for like that first million dollars? Now what?
2. Mars has very little air. People need a lot of air to live. So they’d need to take scuba tanks, which would add weight, and make the catapult have to be even bigger.
3. What if Mars, like, isn’t even there? No one’s ever been there. Maybe it’s just a story that people have told so long that people think it exists, like Pluto or Africa.
4. What if the catapult broke? 
5. I can’t think of a fifth reason, but Mars is like really far so that counts as two.

Scientists are stupid.

Ag

Last Sunday’s New Ducky Post 

wellthatsjustducky:

Me: Come on, Ducky. Outside.

Ducky: What?

Me: Go outside.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: I’m good.

Me: No you aren’t. Go potty.

Ducky: I don’t need to go. I’m good.

Me: You need to go. Go.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: Excuse me? Everyone who is fully aware of his OWN biological needs scratch his ear.

Me: ...

Ducky: …

Me: You just needed to scratch your ear.

Ducky: No. I ALSO needed to scratch my ear.

Me: Outside.

Ducky: Tell me, Father, do I also need to sneeze?

Me: No. You aren’t on your back with your head upside down.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: You’re good.

Me: Out!

Ducky: Maybe I should give it a shot.

Me: Couldn’t hurt. Thanks, Ducky.

Ducky: No problem. On the way out can I get a quick ear scratch?

Me: You bet. Love you, Ducky.

Ducky: Love you, Daddy.

Ag

This Past Sunday’s New Ducky Post! Remember, new posts every Sunday at 7:00 p.m. ET at wellthatsjustducky:

Ducky: I’m sorry.

Me: I know.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: Was it a special hat?

Me: A little. But not especially so. I shouldn’t have left it on the floor.

Ducky: Maybe. But I know better. Sorry. I was feeling anxious.

Me: Yeah? What about.

Ducky: …

Me: Free floating feelings of dread?

Ducky: Yeah. Sorry.

Me: I understand. Did destroying the hat make you feel better?

Ducky: Not really. And now I feel worse. 

Me: Feel guilty?

Ducky: Yup. I knew I shouldn’t have done that.

Me: But you felt anxious and didn’t know what to do?

Ducky: Yeah.

Me: So you felt like you had to do something.

Ducky: It did distract me.

Me: Yeah. Sometimes that’s all you can do. Distract yourself.

Ducky: Sorry my distraction was destruction.

Me: You aren’t the only one, Ducky.

Ducky: I’ll try to not do that again.

Me: Okay, Ducky. That’s all we can do. Try.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: There’s a good chance I’ll do that again.

Me: I understand. Do your best, and no matter what I’ll love you.

Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.

Me: And I’ll try to stay around more.

Ducky: Thanks. You’re a healthier distraction. I love you, Daddy.

Me: I love you, Ducky.

Ag

Yesterday’s New Ducky Post!

wellthatsjustducky:

Ducky: Another poozle?

Me: Puzzle, yes.

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: Quite the life you lead.

Me: …

Ducky: Buying a broken picture and putting it back together.

Me: …

Ducky: You ever notice that even when it’s finally together, it still looks broken?

Me: …

Ducky: And I assume in a few days you’re just going to break it up again and put it back in the box.

Me: …

Ducky: Never before have I been so envious of your thumbs.

Me: …

Ducky: No wonder you choose to do that instead of playing tug with me. Or throwing the ball. Or rubbing my belly. Or feeding me.

Me: I feed you.

Ducky: Not while you poozle.

Me: …

Ducky: …

Me: Bored, Ducky?

Ducky: A little.

Me: Want to chase your ball?

Ducky: …

Me: …

Ducky: I might be up for that.

Me: I love you, Ducky.

Ducky: I love you, Daddy.

Ag