Me: Hey, Duck. I have news.
Ducky: Good news or bad news?
Me: Hard to say.
Ducky: You do tend to mumble. And sometimes you lisp and…
Me: Very funny. Listen. Your mama and I have been talking and we’ve decided that it makes sense for you and I told move back into the house.
Ducky: We’re going to live with the mama again?
Me: No.
Ducky: She’s trading with you and coming here?
Me: No, she has some better options lined up.
Ducky: Better than the apartment? Does such a paradise exist on earth or must she travel off-world?
Me: …
Ducky: We watched that movie last week. I pick up things.
Me: …
Ducky: So you don’t know if this is good or bad?.
Me: I don’t know.
Ducky: This place isn’t so great. You complain about it a lot.
Me: Yeah, but part of coping with everything that happened was convincing myself that things here were better than they really were.
Ducky: Yeah. I had to convince myself that I was comfortable with pooping in front of you. It was weird to have to wear a leash to poop.
Me : That took awhile, I know.
Ducky: The house was great. So what’s bad about going back?
Me: It won’t be like it was, Ducky. But it will be close enough that I’ll have to think about how different it is. And that will force me to think about mistakes I made in that house; times that I failed.
Ducky: And the mama won’t be there.
Me: No.
Ducky: And neither will Foley.
Me: No. No she won’t.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: But there’s a lot more that’s good about going back. We get a yard again. And I can look out the windows in the front door and warn you when people are coming.
Me: I’m glad you’re going to have a better place to live.
Ducky: And there are a lot of good memories there. Just because some bad things happen it doesn’t mean the good things weren’t valid. Remember that thing you tell people about you and the mama? You believe that you were meant to be together, but you weren’t meant to be together forever?
Me: …
Ducky: I listen. I pick things up.
Me: Nice.
Ducky: I think there’s a lot more good about going back than bad. And we can manage the bad.
Me: You think so?
Ducky: Think about the last two years of our lives. Think about what we dealt with. Do you really think we can’t handle a few memories?
Me: That’s true.
Ducky: And we have your friends.
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: And we have each other. I’ll take care of you, Daddy.
Me: I have no doubt. You always do, Duck. And I’ll take care of you.
Ducky: You always do. I love you, Daddy. Don’t worry. We’ll be fine.
Me: I love you too, Ducky. Thanks.
Ducky: Hey, to help deal with the memories you should find ways to do some things differently. Like this would be a great time to start letting me sleep on the bed.
Me: Nice try, Duck.
Ducky: It was worth a shot.
Ag
Tropical Depression Update: One step forward, two steps back…and oh shit when I stepped back I fell in a hole filled with Depression Snakes who have Anxiety Venom
I’m continuing to update my journey for those who find value in it. Not many yuks ahead so your mileage may vary.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Thanks for coming in.
Me: Yeah. I wanted to.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: It still feels strange.
Me: I know.
Ducky: …
Me:
Ducky: I miss her, Daddy.
Me: Me too, Duck.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: She was a good sister.
Me: The two of you made a good team.
Ducky: We were the security system for you and the mama at the house.
Me: Yup.
Ducky: If she saw or heard something suspicious she would howl and alert me to get ready to attack! That howl could wake me from a dead sleep!
Me: Yeah.
Ducky: She had really good hearing.
Me: Yup. Pretty sure she could hear stuff outside when she was dead asleep inside.
Ducky: But she never really needed me to attack.
Me: No. But you made us both feel safe.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Sometimes when I sleep, I dream that we’re back at home. And we’re all together and Foley howls. And then I wake up…
Me: Sorry, Duck.
Ducky: No. It’s not bad. It’s nice to dream. It feels real. And even if I get a little sad when I first wake up, I don’t want to forget her.
Me: Neither do I, Duck. We were really lucky to have her in our family. I don’t ever want to forget her.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: So what do we do now?
Me: …
Ducky: …
Me: I could rub your belly the way that Foley liked me to rub hers.
Ducky: And I could snort like a piggy like she did.
Me: Sounds like a good plan.
Ducky: I love you, Daddy.
Me: I love you, Ducky.
Ag
