If they don’t look kinda like penis shaped bags I’m not sure they’ll work on me. Just saying.
So I don’t think those free condoms universities hand out suck as much as guys say they do.
Okay, but seriously. If you’re ever considering sexy times with a guy and he tells you that he can’t wear a condom there is a 100.3% chance that he is a liar, and you should definitely not have sex with him. Don’t have sex with liars. Have sex with a cute honest people that bring you ice cream the next morning. Liars do not bring you ice cream. And if they do it’s ice cream made of lies. Ice cream made of lies is very emotionally unfulfilling. Don’t trust liars or their disease-ridden ice cream.
Okay. These posts make the rounds all the time here on tumblr. Condom use makes sense and if men don’t want to wear them and their partners want them to, that’s a problem. But I just can’t take the stupidity of the people who think these kinds of stress tests prove anything.
If men don’t like to use condoms it’s generally because sex doesn’t feel as good with one on. This argument is not counteracted by showing them that the material from which they are made apparently has the tensile strength of a bicycle tire. My **** won’t break through one of those either. Doesn’t mean I want to wear one during sex.
You know how small water balloons look uninflated? Now think about how big they get when filled. A filled water balloon is much bigger than your finger. So put a water balloon on your finger and see how long until the decreased circulation starts making things feel unpleasant. Now I’m not saying that it would make things so unpleasant that it would make sense to refuse to point with that finger. But it’s not insane for someone to think, “I kinda’ wish I could point at stuff without a water balloon on my finger.”
Here’s the right way to approach it. “I understand that this is something you’d rather not do. I understand it makes the experience a bit less enjoyable. But it’s important to me. And I don’t feel comfortable doing this without a condom.” And if the two of you can’t come to an agreement that you both feel okay with on something like this THEN YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.
And for the 15 year olds who appear to get all of their sexual education from posts like this, a little reality check. Condoms break. All the time. Have a backup plan.
Maybe a water balloon.
It’s probably not a good thing that I first learned about condoms from “Howard the Duck.”
But Lea Thompson…that was a good thing.
That awkward moment you’re cleaning your purse and find two condoms…..but have no idea why or how they got in there….
Count your blessings, Brit. There are worse places to find two condoms and have to ask yourself “How did they get in there?”
GOODNIGHT, EVERYONE!!!! TIP YOUR SERVERS!!!!!!
Remember, never use a condom with:
Tee Hee. Sandpaper.
Effective satiric safe sex message is effective and satiric.
Since I started running again, I needed to by some Lotrimin to nip some jock itch in the bud. How embarrassing!
To minimize my embarrassment at the register I picked up a few other items I needed so the Lotrimin would just blend in and save me an awkward exchange with the cashier at Target.
Whew! I’m a smarty!
Buying them with your mom is worse.
Buying them with your significant other AND your mom is even worse.
But buying them with your significant other who IS your mom is the absolute worse.