It’s probably not a good thing that I first learned about condoms from “Howard the Duck.”
But Lea Thompson…that was a good thing.
That awkward moment you’re cleaning your purse and find two condoms…..but have no idea why or how they got in there….
Count your blessings, Brit. There are worse places to find two condoms and have to ask yourself “How did they get in there?”
GOODNIGHT, EVERYONE!!!! TIP YOUR SERVERS!!!!!!
Ag
Remember, never use a condom with:
- Vaseline
- Crisco
- Cool Whip
- SANDPAPER
- Hand Lotion
- Motor Oil
- Suntan Lotion
- Baby Oil
- Butter.
Tee Hee. Sandpaper.
Effective satiric safe sex message is effective and satiric.
Ag
Since I started running again, I needed to by some Lotrimin to nip some jock itch in the bud. How embarrassing!
To minimize my embarrassment at the register I picked up a few other items I needed so the Lotrimin would just blend in and save me an awkward exchange with the cashier at Target.
Whew! I’m a smarty!
Ag
buy condoms with your significant other is the most embarrassing thing ever.
(via babyjellyfish)
Buying them with your mom is worse.
Buying them with your significant other AND your mom is even worse.
But buying them with your significant other who IS your mom is the absolute worse.
Just sayin’.
Ag
Advertising to English Dictionary
- New & Improved!
- You know how our product sucked? It sucks in a different way now!
- Value Sized
- More than you need.
- New Concentrated Formula!
- We will now be charging you more for less. And while we tell you it will last longer, we know you will accidentally use the same amount as when you buy the non concentrated formula thus driving incremental sales, sucker.
- Light
- Eat all you want, fat ass!
- Ultra
- “Ultra” looked good in that font.
- Satisfaction Guaranteed or your Money Back!
- You lack the patience and intelligence to follow through with the steps that would be necessary to get your money back so we have no concerns with offering you a refund if you are not satisfied, rube.
- Guaranteed 100% Organic!
- Hey! Did you know that if we put “Guaranteed 100% Organic” on the package people will pack 20% more for the same product?
- Ribbed for her pleasure!
- Your **** is small and unpleasant. Wrapping it in this makes it less so.
Ag
According to a new study, men are twice as likely to remove a condom halfway through sex if the fit isn’t snug.
“
| — |
Many men refuse condoms because of poor fit: study Sorry, baby. I need to risk impregnating you and possibly passing my raucous venereal disease to you because my tiny little penis is sliding around in this normal sized condom. Reason number 827 why I’m glad I’m not a woman. Ag |
