“Take time to be a dad today.”
Seriously. Take the time. Maybe if you spend a little time with your kid he won’t wander into a wildebeest stampede. Just sayin’.
Ag
Also, I hear the episiotomy isn't covered for men.
Me: I just think it's probably a bad idea for me to have children.
Her: Because you don't have the personality for it?
Me: No. Because of these narrow hips.
Smile Friday: My Older Brother And Me.
On the positive side, I was adorable.
Negatively, I am getting dangerously close to that body type again!
Ag
“Miraculous”
“Perfect”
Congratulations on using wall decals to find yet another way to wallow in your child fetish and warp your child’s self image so that s/he is totally unprepared for a world that knows s/he is far from miraculous and anything but perfect.
On a related note, many parents are total twats.
I might be grumpy.
Ag
(Source: imgfave)
Smile Friday: I Seemed Pretty Happy With My “Wonderful Waterful” Edition
Aaaaand…pretty sure that was a “The Black Hole” T-shirt.
That’s right. I was always cool.
Ag
How old are you?
AnonymousSincere Answer: Hard to say. Seriously. I find it hard to say.
Ag Style On Smile Friday Answer: I’m not sure. But this picture of me was taken last week right before recess.
New from Ty: Ty Guyz! (working title: The Online Predator Doll)
Him: I’ve loved talking to you online. Meet me at the mall?
Your Daughter: Oh, I don’t know. My parents might get mad.
Him: Please? Aren’t we friends? I’ll bring my puppy.
Your Daughter: Oh! I Love puppies! Okay! How will I recognize you?
Him: I’ll be in a striped stocking cap and a green shirt with “35 New York” on it. I’ll be waiting in a white van in the parking lot near Hot Topic.
Your Daughter: Okay! How old are you again?
Him: …
Your Daughter: …
Him: You’re breaking up. See you at the mall.
Ag
Can I be home schooled?
“
| — | A young man just now at Epcot. I’m guessing he thinks home schooling would allow for trips to Walt Disney World at times when it isn’t hotter than the surface of the sun. |
Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.
Me: For what?
Ducky: For taking me out.
Me: Kinda’ gotta, Ducky. You need to go potty.
Ducky: I know. But I can tell you don’t always want to. Especially when you’re comfy on the couch or in the daddy bed.
Me: It’s my job, Ducky. It’s what daddies do.
Ducky: Why didn’t you and mommy ever get one of those human doggies?
Me: …
Ducky: …
Me: You mean have a baby?
Ducky: Yeah. They seem very popular.
Me: They are. Just wasn’t right for your mom and me. And honestly I never thought I’d be a very good daddy.
Ducky: Why?
Me: Lots of reasons. I’m pretty selfish. Fairly lazy. I don’t make a lot of money. And then there are all of the things about me that don’t need to be passed on into the gene pool. I think I would feel awful if I created another depressed, anxious, underachieving loner. I can handle being unhappy. I don’t think I could handle having created an unhappy child.
Ducky: Oh. So all those people with human doggies decided to get them because they thought that they’d make great mommies and daddies?
Me: A lot of them did. But I think usually the condom just breaks.
Ducky: What does that mean?
Me: Never mind.
Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me, Daddy.
Me: You don’t always think so.
Ducky: You want consistent emotion, get a hamster.
Me: Fair enough.
Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me. Thanks for being my daddy.
Me: Thanks, Duck.
Ducky: Happy Daddies Day, Daddy. I love you.
Me: Thanks, Duck. I love you too.
Ag
