Well, That's Just Great
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “That anthropomorphized Reese’s reads as vaguely racist.” Yes. That’s true. But that’s not what’s really disturbing. What’s really disturbing?

There are two Reese’s Cups in every pack. So that means there’s another face looking at you through the wrapper right at his crotch. 

I wouldn’t go in for that hug, young lady.

Ag

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “That anthropomorphized Reese’s reads as vaguely racist.” Yes. That’s true. But that’s not what’s really disturbing. What’s really disturbing?

There are two Reese’s Cups in every pack. So that means there’s another face looking at you through the wrapper right at his crotch.

I wouldn’t go in for that hug, young lady.

Ag

Lime Skittles have been replaced by Green Apple Skittles. On a related note, Fuck you, Skittles. #lime #forever

Lime Skittles have been replaced by Green Apple Skittles. On a related note, Fuck you, Skittles. #lime #forever

controversial post time

starlitride:

fredasaurusrex:

ilikeswears:

fredasaurusrex:

Black licorice is delicious and fuck you if you don’t agree.

Fixed it for you.

this is why Canadians can’t be trusted.

Black licorice is terrible and anyone who likes it is a communist and or a terrorist.

Black licorice is a fucking prank candy.

"Want some candy?"

"Sure!"

"It’s black licorice!"

"Ahhhh! You got me, you bastard!"

Ag

(Source: thefredasaurusrex)

wellthatsjustgreat:

Willy Wonka: Good work on the shape for Cherry, Jenkins, but let’s see if you can make the Lemon-Orange and Grape Puckerooms look even more like the heads of a penises.
Jenkins: You bet, sir!
Ag

wellthatsjustgreat:

Willy Wonka: Good work on the shape for Cherry, Jenkins, but let’s see if you can make the Lemon-Orange and Grape Puckerooms look even more like the heads of a penises.

Jenkins: You bet, sir!

Ag

Stop your lying, Words With Friends!
Nougater: noun “NEW-gat-er” 1. One who applies nougat to an item.

"Hey, these Milky Ways aren’t complete yet. Call in the nougater!"

I rest my case.
Ag

Stop your lying, Words With Friends!

Nougater: noun “NEW-gat-er” 1. One who applies nougat to an item.

"Hey, these Milky Ways aren’t complete yet. Call in the nougater!"

I rest my case.

Ag

There’s no candy in here!

There’s no candy in here!

laughingsquid:

Dateline NBC: To Catch a “Peep-A-Tor”
Bad Candy Ideas (from my Twitter)
  • Hershey’s Tongue Kisses
  • Sugar Deadbeat Daddy
  • FuckerUps
  • Lollypolyps
  • SweetFarts
  • Killing Spree
  • Not Very Good N Barely Plenty
  • Necco Wafers (extra large, extra chalky edition)
  • Fun(gus) Dip
  • (Lyme Disease Riddled) Tick Tacs
  • Spit O’ Honey
  • Bit O’ Hiney
  • Neverlasting Gobstoppers
  • Golden Ticketless Wonka Bars

Ag

141 plays

Paolo Nutini

"Candy"

Thanks to Kathartie for introducing me to Paolo (though not literally).

—————

I was perched outside in the pouring rain
Trying to make myself a sail
Then I’ll float to you my darlin’
With the evening on my tail
Although not the most honest means of travel
It gets me there nonetheless
I’m a heartless man at worst, babe
And a helpless one at best

Darling I’ll bathe your skin
I’ll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy, before I go
Oh, darling I’ll kiss your eyes
And lay you down on your rug
Just give me some candy
After my hug

Oh I’m often false explaining
But to her it plays out all the same
and although I’m left defeated
It get’s held against my name
I know you got plenty to offer baby
But I guess I’ve taken quite enough
Well I’m some stain there on your bedsheet
You’re my diamond in the rough

Darling I’ll bathe your skin
I’ll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy
before I go
Oh, darling I’ll kiss your eyes
And lay you down on your rug
Just give me some candy
After my hug

I know that there´re writings on the wall
But Darling I’ll bathe your skin
I’ll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy
After my hug

Oh I’ll be there waiting for you (repeat) 

I think I understand why Candy is “America’s Favorite Teenage Girl.” At least with Ted.
She makes everything naughty and pure all at the same time!
Ag

I think I understand why Candy is “America’s Favorite Teenage Girl.” At least with Ted.

She makes everything naughty and pure all at the same time!

Ag