Well, That's Just Great
You know you’ve worked in HR too long…

when you refer to “making my lunch the night before work so I can sleep a little longer!” as a “process improvement.”

Ag

When BP made a commitment to the Gulf, we knew it would take time but we were determined to see it through…Many areas on the gulf coast (have had) their best tourism seasons in years!

Iris Cross-BP Community Outreach

Perhaps BP is so determined to “see it through” because the terms of the multi-million dollar settlements with Gulf Coast residents kinda’ fucking REQUIRES them to “see it through.” And “Yay!” for the best tourism season “in years.” Thanks, British Petroleum, for devastating the Gulf Coast tourism industry so thoroughly that a mediocre tourism season ends up being the best in years.

“American productivity rose in the third quarter…”

“The gain in output per hour worked came partly because employers squeezed more work out of existing staff.”

We continue to work harder for less. The stockholders are rewarded and the companies sit on billions of dollars of capital and claim that “uncertainty” is causing them to not hire.

The recession locked in as a new normal an environment that had been developing for several decades. Convince workers that they are imminently replaceable, make them live in fear of losing their health insurance, and scare them into working even harder for less and less.

This is another reason why tax cuts generally won’t create jobs (unless specifically ties to job creation). Labor is a company’s number one controllable expense. If they get extra revenue, they don’t think, “Great! I can hire more people!” The only reason that companies consistently hire is because their current employee base cannot adequately produce enough product or service to meet demand.

“Wow. I don’t have enough people to fulfill all of these orders. I’m going to LOSE money! I’d better hire some more people!” And they’ll figure out the least possible number of people to hire. And if they can be temps, even better.

Ag

Ever since “Exquisite Flooring of West Orange” opened up, their rivals just haven’t been able to compete.  In the last year, all of the following business have closed in the area:
Mediocre Flooring of West Orange
Central Florida So-So Tile Works 
Shitty Linoleum Inc.
You’ll Take Our Sub Par Floorboards And Poor Craftsmanship And Like It: Orlando
Ag

Ever since “Exquisite Flooring of West Orange” opened up, their rivals just haven’t been able to compete.  In the last year, all of the following business have closed in the area:

  • Mediocre Flooring of West Orange
  • Central Florida So-So Tile Works 
  • Shitty Linoleum Inc.
  • You’ll Take Our Sub Par Floorboards And Poor Craftsmanship And Like It: Orlando

Ag

Man, I cannot WAIT to create all those jobs for all those unemployed people because my taxes aren’t going up!
Nobody, ever, in history. (via getdowngetfunky)

“Job Creators” my ass.

Ag

Wipe while standing or sitting after completing one's business?
Anonymous

First of all…ew.

Sincere Answer (In case you really wonder): Sitting.

Ag Style Answer: Standing. I never sit in the shower.

Ag

Went into this store today and BOY were they ever busy!
I’m going to come into a large sum of money on November 1st and I think I’m going to immediately invest it all in Halloween City! They were so busy today, just imagine the lines during Christmas shopping season!
Ka-Ching!
Ag 

Went into this store today and BOY were they ever busy!

I’m going to come into a large sum of money on November 1st and I think I’m going to immediately invest it all in Halloween City! They were so busy today, just imagine the lines during Christmas shopping season!

Ka-Ching!

Ag 

(via okay-me-too)
Goofus’s career is on the upswing.
Gallant’s treated like a sucker and will never progress past lower-middle management.
Life sucks and then you die, Gallant. Hold onto your oranges.
Ag

(via okay-me-too)

Goofus’s career is on the upswing.

Gallant’s treated like a sucker and will never progress past lower-middle management.

Life sucks and then you die, Gallant. Hold onto your oranges.

Ag

If you honestly believe, ‘there are no bad ideas,” you’ve obviously never worked with Josh.

Ag

Working on fleshing out a leadership concept that has been percolating inside of me for awhile that I call, “The Myth of the Team.” 
Other local businesses…

…named by the same geniuses who named a Japanese Restaurant, “Aisa.”

  • The BeardGarden (Barbershop)
  • The I’ll Live Garden (Rehab Center)
  • Red’s Lob Store (Tennis Supplies)
  • Bergen King (Norway’s Leading Travel Agent)

Ag