|—||Said in all seriousness by the announcer during today’s Denver/Miami game after he missed a wide open receiver. And that is the kind of excuse making that makes many of us incapable of rooting for him|
Most sincere and true lovers~
So I’m selfish and mean?!? Eh, sounds about right.
Never Date 3 People:
- Folks who in any way take astrology seriously
Nope. Really it’s just that one group that you need to consistently look out for.
So I’m a little cynical sometimes.
-after hearing this - it makes me love her just that liiittle bit more. She’s perfect
-Oh my god, she’s so amazing.
-Omg, why are you so baller Kate?
-Oh my god, she’s making me fall in love with her more and more…
On a related note, the publicist assigned to get good press for an over privileged English woman who just completed the next step of the arranged marriage to an inbred member of a out of touch, valueless, figurehead monarchy successfully planted a bullshit pointless story to make the woman seem slightly less disconnected from the reality of the lives of her “subjects.”
You know who else puts on their own make-up when they get married? Poor people. You know why? They don’t have money to pay people to do it. They would also put it on every day if they could afford the make-up, but probably can’t.
You know who will have people putting make up on her for every public appearance for the rest of her vapid, valueless, out dated reign? Kate Middleton.
Editors note: There is a small chance that Kate Middleton is a lovely, smart, caring human being with a heart as big as all of England. It doesn’t change the fact that the only reason anyone gives a shit about her is because despite the progress made in society, a shitload of women still have a visceral connection to the princess myth. I do not, so pardon me if the (only possibly true story) of her *gasp* putting on her own make-up doesn’t give me a monarchial boner.
I swear this isn’t just bitterness that I wasn’t listed as one of the New York Observer’s 100 Funniest Tumblrs…ever (But the bitterness will keep me from hotlinking them. Google the fucks). My tumblr is fairy eclectic, not just humor based, and hasn’t been visible on the humor directory IN A FUCKING MONTH GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER TUMBLR AND FIX THE DIRECTORY PAGES DAMMIT!!!!!
So I understand that discovering the value of my page would have required more digging than say the “Funny or Die” tumblr which creates zero new content, reblogs nothing from the community, and just pimps the newest “exclusive” from their regular site.
I am happy that sites like comicallyvintage got listed. They deserve it. They put a lot of work in their tumblr and are consistently funny. Bravo!
But can someone tell the editors at the New York Observer what funny is? Because I can deal with sites that aren’t REALLY funny but are being ironic being listed…fine. That type of funny-because-it-isn’t-comedy has its place. I dabble in it from time to time. But prettycolors isn’t a humor tumblr. People may find that it exists conceptually amusing, but no one follows it and laughs every day when a new color pops up on their dash. You stupid ass hipster twat bags. Tumblr peeps are largely arsty-fartsy types who actually like pretty colors. Or just fucking follow anything that follows them back. Bunch of fucking follow-whores.
This is the curse that anyone who feels that comedy is their art deals with on a daily basis. No one lists the 100 greatest novels of all time and puts “A Ham and Cheese Sandwich” on the list. “What? A Ham and Cheese Sandwich isn’t a novel? Really? But I like Ham and Cheese. Doesn’t that make it a novel? You know you can open the bread and it could look like a novel. So I’m going to list it, ok?”
Dumb ass, cow fart smelling, shit for brains, scrotum sweat rags. ARRRRRGGGH!
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, to everyone out there who is trying to produce original comedic material, or reblog the best that they find, or just function as an aggregator for humor out there on the web, thank you for what you do. And if you are looking for one of the 100 most absorbent toilet papers, try the New York Observer. What? It’s a newspaper? Oh, what’s the difference?
“I like people but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people in extended periods of time. I’m alright with them for a little while but once you get up past around a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this… one that you may share possibly… I have a very low tolerance for stupid bullshit.” - George Carlin
Ironically, this is my heaven. George Carlin could have coasted for the rest of his career after “Class Clown” but he never stopped creating, growing, and challenging himself and his audience. NSFW, but why are you watching this at work anyway?