(Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself And Your Doggie Chillin’ Wednesday)
Remember, new Ducky posts at wellthatsjustducky.tumblr.com!
Ag
cooooool-story-bro: “id take the top anyday”
Gosh. Thanks. Good to know that you find men that are unnaturally slim more attractive than men that are unnaturally muscular. Thanks for letting us know which of the two goals that are physiologically impossible for most men to achieve is the one we should fruitlessly strive towards. I’ll stop taking human growth hormone immediately and begin the process of becoming 13 year old boy again.
But while we’re here, we should probably take the opportunity to ask for your opinion of the torso that statistically your future husband is most likely to have:
Good thing that women are less shallow than men when it comes to physical appearance.
That’s right ladies. Most of you won’t have to become faux lesbians to ensure that there are four large breasts in your bed when you go to sleep each night.
Ag
(Source: immenseimperfections)
Why Women?
originsofswank answered your question: Sooooooo…
Why is it that you’re directing this post solely toward young women? Do young men not make similar mistakes?
A fair question!
Sincere Answer: First, it’s because the (fake) tattoos that inspired the post are mainly seen on women on tumblr. I’m not saying there aren’t any men with tattoos on tumblr, or even that some of their tattoos aren’t fake, just that the ones that I have noticed are on women.
Second, part of it has to do with being contrary because that’s how I roll. Right now female tattoos and piercings are much trendier than the same on men. As such they are more likely to inspire my snarkiness. Men have always made stupid decisions about tattoos. Women making stupid decisions about tattoos is a new development.
And remember girls, not too long ago people honestly thought that these were “cute” and “classy” tattoos:
Finally, and most importantly, who gives a shit whether or not boys and men purposefully disfigure their bodies? They’re men. Their bodies are hideous. Women’s bodies are beautiful. I agree with Elaine Benes,
Jerry: Well, I was walking around naked in front of Melissa the other day—
Elaine: Whoa! Walking around naked? Ahh… that is not a good look for a man.
George: Why not? It’s a good look for a woman.
Elaine: Well, the female body is a… work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it’s for gettin’ around, like a jeep.
Jerry: So you don’t think it’s attractive?
Elaine: It’s hideous. The hair, the… the lumpiness. It’s simian.
George: Well, some women like it.
Elaine: Mmm. Sickies.
When a beautiful women gets a bad tattoo she has damaged one of the most beautiful things in creation.
Man with a tattoo? Meh. That’s like graffiti on a burned out 7-11. Might look good, might not, but it doesn’t fundamentally change the fact that the building itself will always look better in the dark.
I hope this quenches some of your curiosity. If not…
Ag Style Answer: Young men do make similar mistakes. But they make much more serious mistakes on which I choose to focus.
On a related note, how is your mother’s herpes?
Ag
When Teenage Girls Need Dating Advice They Know To Go To 38 Year Old Divorced Guys.
I got the above message in my askhole from iwannarocketship who is either a lovely, smart young lady or a sixty-five year old three hundred pound pedophile pretending to be one.
Eh. Six of one, half dozen of another. I’ve wanted an excuse to write a post like this anyway.
“How do guys feel about a girl asking them out on a date?”
iwannarocketship
So this first part goes out to all the women, young and old, who want to know how men feel.
As of right now, men have not perfected the group mind. So “Men” and “Guys” don’t feel anything.
But Anthony does.
And Eustis does.
But Anthony and Eustis probably don’t feel the same way about much in the world. And although it seems like an obvious statement, men and women forget it far too often: People are individuals and cannot be understood solely by thinking of them as a group.
I feel fine with a woman asking me out. Some guys might not. But don’t listen to your friends with boyfriends who think they’re experts because they got a date by using a particular strategy. That strategy worked with those two people. That’s all that you know.
Beulah asked out Eustis. Eustis said yes. Therefore Eustis didn’t mind when Beulah asked him out.
So what you need to do is think about the “guy” in particular. Does he seem like someone who wouldn’t mind getting asked out? If he has a problem with it and you still ask him, what is the worst thing that will happen? And remember, if you are in high school when you are trying to figure out the “worst thing,” your life will change enormously the second you graduate. So if you’re worried about embarrassment at school, try to not overstate that in your mind. You’ll be lucky to still be talking to even one person from your high school five years after graduating.
The second, perhaps even more important point is this.
Life is too short to waste chasing someone who doesn’t want you.
Will Eustis mind if you ask him out? Probably not if he thinks you’re cute. Or has had a crush on you for years and hasn’t had the guts to say it. And if you ask him out and he says no and claims it’s because he doesn’t like being asked out, he’s probably lying. Unfortunately, the reason he is lying is because he doesn’t want to go out with you but out society values manners over honesty. So he claims it’s something other than his lack of attraction to you.
Because the fact is that few things make someone seem more attractive than finding out that they are attracted to you. So if upon being paid the huge compliment that someone finds him attractive, a guy says, “No thanks!” then fuck it.
He’s probably gay.
Or not. But yearning for someone who is not interested in you is painful and depressing and almost always hopeless. And if you think you can change something about yourself and then the person will want you, well, who the hell wants to be with someone who will only love them if they change who they are?
Now, in all of this I am only speaking of that first date or two. Things change once you are in a relationship. You liked enough about each other to start dating but you will likely need to work on many, many things to find the kind of compatibility that keeps people happily together for months or years.
But when it comes to just asking people out, as soon as someone indicates they are not interested in you, let it go. I know that is easier said than done. Especially if you seriously have a crush on that person. But the fact is that a date isn’t that big a deal. And if they don’t even want to give that a shot, they’re likely immature, or too full of themselves, or think a date means a lot more than it does. And who needs that shit in their life?
My final message doesn’t go out to all women. Because as of yet women have not perfected the group mind. It goes to iwannarocketship alone. And if other young women find value in this last paragraph, all the better.
From what little I know about you, you seem like you are an intelligent and thoughtful young woman with a good heart. People like that are precious in this universe. I think most guys your age would feel honored if you asked them out. Although most of them are idiots with no knowledge of their own feelings so they may express “honored” with a guttural, “Cool” followed by a fart.
So, you might want to wait until college.
Ag
dougstumblreritiis:anyexcusetogetcloser:parisiandreamer:
Boys vs. Girls-Louis C.K.
(Source: misericardia)
