There is a part of my brain whose job is to wake me up when Gizmo wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom to make sure she is okay.
It is the same part of my brain that tells me that would be a good time to grab my lightsaber, lie on the floor next to her side of the bed in the dark, wait, and then activate the lightsaber and attack her as she wanders half asleep back to bed.
This part of the brain is what doctors call the “keeps her friends from being too jealous of her successful relationship” lobe.
ya fucking right.
It’s also usually a form of cheating. But it’s a form of cheating that you can do openly and shamelessly and if your partner gets concerned, you can act like they’re being over sensitive and possessive.
In other words, it’s fucking great. Am I right or am I right?! Hunh!? Hunh!? Hunh!?
Helpful tips for the ladies!
I got this question in my ask-hole. Most of you know what’s coming.
Sincere (Yet Mysterious) Answer: Who said someone hasn’t?
Ag Style Answer: Women fear that they won’t be good enough for me, what with the sexual skill and stamina and the big wiener and all.
The Painful Truth Of The Last Year Answer: I’m a middle aged, depressed, divorced guy with a big nose, no muscle tone, a career in shambles, and a growing weight problem. I’m also a defensive know-it-all who talks too much, doesn’t like to party (read: doesn’t drink at all) and finds himself way too funny. Oh yeah. And I have extended imaginary conversations with my dog which may or may not be evidence of a much deeper psychological problem.
I agree. The reasons that women don’t fall all over me remain mysterious.
Answer You Knew Was Coming Answer: Well, [insert your name here], someone actually has. But I’ve kept it quiet because your mother is one possessive whore.
Oh, rarely have I set you all up so well! Bring it!