Well, That's Just Great

RSS

Posts tagged with "boyfriend"

Don't try to "out clever" me.

  • Him: It's the perfect relationship. I get to have sex with my best friend!
  • Me: Dog is man's best friend.
  • Him: ...
  • Me: Ew.

More of the joy of being with me

  • Her: Ugh. I got bitten by more mosquitos last night.
  • Me: Sorry
  • Her: It must be because I am so sweet.
  • Me: Or they're trying to kill you.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: Think of that the next time you hear someone suggesting gun control is a bad idea.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: Imagine what that mosquito could have done with a handgun.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: And I know, "When you outlaw mosquito guns only the outlaw mosquitos will..."
  • Her: You're an idiot.
Jun 1

Or the Douchebag Lobe

There is a part of my brain whose job is to wake me up when Gizmo wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom to make sure she is okay.

It is the same part of my brain that tells me that would be a good time to grab my lightsaber, lie on the floor next to her side of the bed in the dark, wait, and then activate the lightsaber and attack her as she wanders half asleep back to bed.

This part of the brain is what doctors call the “keeps her friends from being too jealous of her successful relationship” lobe.

Ag

  • Me: After seeing Avengers again I think I might be getting a crush on Hiddleston like the rest of tumblr. Geez, he's good as Loki.
  • Her: I'm getting a crush on Captain America's butt.
  • Me: ...
  • Her: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Her: Not the same thing though.
  • Me: No. No it isn't.
  • Her: You were joking around. And really just meant, like, he's a good actor.
  • Me: Correct.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Her: Me too?
  • Me: ...
  • Her: ...
  • Me: His butt is a really good actor?
  • Her: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Her: The writer probably deserves some cred...
  • Me: You're an idiot.
noregretsyet:

ya fucking right.

It’s also usually a form of cheating. But it’s a form of cheating that you can do openly and shamelessly and if your partner gets concerned, you can act like they’re being over sensitive and possessive. In other words, it’s fucking great. Am I right or am I right?! Hunh!? Hunh!? Hunh!? Ag

noregretsyet:

ya fucking right.

It’s also usually a form of cheating. But it’s a form of cheating that you can do openly and shamelessly and if your partner gets concerned, you can act like they’re being over sensitive and possessive.

In other words, it’s fucking great. Am I right or am I right?! Hunh!? Hunh!? Hunh!?

Ag

Crap.
Can someone tell God I’m not a girl?
Ag

Crap.

Can someone tell God I’m not a girl?

Ag

(Source: alessandriamarie)

Nov 6

Rewind Sunday

wellthatsjustgreat:

Helpful tips for the ladies!

Thanks to tacgnol and paulmccupcakes for bringing the Mark Hamill article to my attention.

Ag

"Why hasn’t someone swept you up by now?"

I got this question in my ask-hole. Most of you know what’s coming.

Sincere (Yet Mysterious) Answer: Who said someone hasn’t?

Ag Style Answer: Women fear that they won’t be good enough for me, what with the sexual skill and stamina and the big wiener and all.

The Painful Truth Of The Last Year Answer: I’m a middle aged, depressed, divorced guy with a big nose, no muscle tone, a career in shambles, and a growing weight problem. I’m also a defensive know-it-all who talks too much, doesn’t like to party (read: doesn’t drink at all) and finds himself way too funny. Oh yeah. And I have extended imaginary conversations with my dog which may or may not be evidence of a much deeper psychological problem.

I agree. The reasons that women don’t fall all over me remain mysterious.

Answer You Knew Was Coming Answer: Well, [insert your name here], someone actually has. But I’ve kept it quiet because your mother is one possessive whore.

Ag

Reblog if you want an “If I was your boyfriend/girlfriend, I would” in your ask, anon or not.

tearsonthesesheets:feyminism:

Oh, rarely have I set you all up so well! Bring it!

Ag

(Source: wh0re-bag)

The Joy of Time with Me

  • Me: Do you feel like Chinese?
  • Her: Sure.
  • Me: Will you drive? I don't think there's one within wok-ing distance.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: WOK-ing distance.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: It's like walking distance but since it's Chine...
  • Her: You're an idiot.