Possible Upcoming Bad Idea Vanity Fair Cover:
Gondor-rhea!
This shall not pass…without penicillin!
Ag
“Take time to be a dad today.”
Seriously. Take the time. Maybe if you spend a little time with your kid he won’t wander into a wildebeest stampede. Just sayin’.
Ag
“When we count our blessings we count you twice, Mom.”
Because you’re an enormous fatass, mother!
Happy Mother’s Day from Cracker Barrel!!!
Ag
It sounded good in my head.
Him: So tell me a little about your experience with social media technologies.
Me: I've been leveraging social media, primarily tumblr, to build a personal brand for the last few years.
Him: How so?
Me: Well, for one thing I've been sharing conversations that I have with my dog.
Him: ...
Me: Primarily about my divorce and struggles with depression.
Him: ...
Me: And I wrote a thing about orange juice that got 30,000 notes.
Him: ...
Me: Which is pretty good for something written. Tumblr is primarily a visual medium.
Him: Can I see it?
Me: Well, it's kinda' NSFW.
Him: ...
Me: It uses "fuck" a lot.
Him: ...
Me: "Goddamned" and "Sumbitch" too come to think of it.
Him: ...
Me: I'm just going to leave now.
Him: Thanks for your time.
Career Development with Ag-Poor Answers to Common Interview Questions
Interviewer: If you could chose one thing in your life to do over, what would it be?
You: Your Mom.
Interviewer: ...
You: I'm just kidding.
Interviewer: I assumed.
You: Yeah, your mom is an awful lay. I wouldn't do her again.
Interviewer: My mother has passed away.
You: That explains why she was so quiet last night.
Interviewer: ...
You: Again. Kidding. I did not have sex with your dead mother last night.
Interviewer: ...
You: Your brother wouldn't give anyone else a chance! Wooooo! When do I start?!
Reason 827 that you don’t want my brain.
I just looked for my shoes for ten minutes.
They were in the kitchen sink.
Should be a fun day.
Ag
For those who know me IRL, you know how for so very long I have claimed to have a flesh colored body stocking…
Gold colored might be good enough!
Aren’t I worth $50 to one of you?
Ag
muchtoyourchagrin replied to your photo: Smile Friday: Irony Edition (Taken with Instagram…
So many comments for this photo… but I’ll hold back because you’re so nice :) You know what those eyes say though… haha… “Hey girl… wanna go back to my place…?”
“We can go back to my place…to beat my daughter and frame a black man for it.”
Party Bob Ewell Style!
Ag
