|—||Guest at the Smithsonian American History Museum looking at a display clearly marked “iPod-4th Generation.”|
When reality looks like a fucked up Apple Map.
This is brilliant. Kubrick would be proud.
“50 Secrets Your Vet Won’t Tell You.”
1. Your dog smells awful.
2. “Abstinence-Only” education is as effective as neutering.
3. Advantage Flea Control is as expensive as it is because the money goes to flea crime lords who then focus their attention on dogs where they aren’t getting “protection money.”
4. Dogs lick their butts because dog poop tastes like Godiva Chocolate.
5. Vets request fecal samples because of number four.
6. FDR knew the Japanese were about to attack Pearl Harbor.
7. Your children are ugly.
8. Vets can tell if you masturbate without getting your pets out of the room.
9. Apple is already suffering from a lack of creativity and vision since the death of Steve Jobs.
10. Ant-Man will be in “The Avengers” this May.
11. Veterinarians are organizing a midnight raid of the headquarters of “1-800-PET MEDS.”
12. “Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom” is worse than “Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.”
13.Your cat really, truly, without a shadow of a doubt does not give a shit about you.
14. The fourteenth item on any list is usually filler.
15. Your dog feels that a leash demeans you both…
16. Yet it loves wearing sweaters. Seriously.
17. Your texting and driving is freaking out your cat.
18. Your hamster wishes to stop being referred to as a “disposable pet.”
19. The goldfish won at fairs have an average lifespan greater that those of Galapagos Tortoises.
20. That Galapagos Tortoise at the fair can’t be won without trading in four smaller animals.
21. And that basketball hoop is smaller than it looks. And bouncy.
22. A blog post based on a list of fifty items seems like a good idea when you get started, but then gets less and less satisfying.
23. Bo Obama is not a purebred. Have you seen his AKC papers?
48. It is easy to lose count.
49. People usually don’t notice.
50. It’s the thought that counts.
I have been trying to boot my work pc for 45 minutes. It keeps freezing. I have rebooted three times. The screen saver has actually kicked in WHILE the pc is booting.
I do not look forward to a future that has no Steve Jobs in the world to push people to make things that JUST WORK!
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”
1980s Computer Guy Words With Friends Player
I’m convinced there are two kinds of people in the world.
There are people who would never even CONSIDER rolling an enormous monstrosity like this into a crowded Apple Store.
And there are assholes.
Seriously? Next time why don’t you just pull their crib in with you?
Thank you, employee cafeteria, for labeling this apple as vegetarian. I was trying to figure out just what part of the cow it comes from. -Sara
Laugh if you will, but this labeling is important. Last week I bit into an apple and it was filled with seasoned beef and cheese.
Wait a minute. That was a taco. Disregard.