Always be angry…
so apparently i’m a victim of cyber bullying..
I call these signs that I’m having a pretty normal day.
Although I will admit, getting in to see the school nurse is pretty hard these days. Stupid fences and fear of creepy adult men who keep asking to be let onto school property.
Ag
Fun with brain chemistry!
Me: I'm never going to get what I want! I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety! Can't I win just this once?
The Universe: Here you go. Exactly what you were hoping for!
Me: ...
The Universe: ...
Me: I don't deserve this! I'm going to screw this up! I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety!
Ducky: Someone been picking on you, Daddy?
Me: Kinda’. If the universe counts as “someone.”
Ducky: You should take a nap. Naps make things better.
Me: Yeah?
Ducky: Yeah. And I’ll keep watch. And if the universe comes here and tries anything, I’ll kill it.
Me: Yeah? You’re not really a killer, Ducky.
Ducky: No. But nobody picks on the Daddy.
Me: Aw, thanks, Duck.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: I don’t know how to kill the universe.
Me: No shame in knowing one’s limitations.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Maybe I won’t kill it. Just bite it and it will run away.
Me: Okay.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: Maybe barking and looking mean would be enough.
Me: Maybe.
Ducky: …
Me: …
Ducky: It’s comfy down here.
Me: Yeah? Maybe you should just nap with me.
Ducky: And if the universe comes, I’ll wake up and start with the barking and the biting and giving it what for.
Me: Sounds like a plan. You’ll be well rested.
Ducky: Naps make everything better.
Me: I hope you’re right, Ducky. Thanks for taking care of me.
Ducky: I love you, Daddy.
Me: I love you, Ducky.
Ag
The bad news is, I just awoke from a terrible nightmare.
The good news is that it made it very easy to rationalize finishing a sleeve of Thin Mints at 2:30 a.m.
Very easy.
Ag
Me: Hmmm. I'm in a pretty good mood. Things are going pretty well in my life. This is nice.
My Brain: Whoops. Sorry. Here you go. One big ass stupid mistake.
Me: ...
My Brain: Nothing you can do to fix it either. So I'll just be over here obsessively dwelling on it.
Did it matter that I was there?
“
| — | The question that on good days drives me and on bad days haunts me. |
Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes, just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating.
“
| — | Anneli Rufus (via onlinecounsellingcollege) |
Hmmm. I have to get up at 4:00 am to run a half marathon. It’s 10:00 pm now. My anxiety and depression have been flaring up. I think now is a good time to get on the Internet and restart all the work I’ve been avoiding with refinancing the house to get Belle off the mortgage. Yup. I’ll get to think about my divorce, have to fill out confusing forms with information that I’ll feel stupid for not knowing, discover expenses I never considered, and become gripped with crippling self loathing. Yeah. Sounds like a good idea.
“
| — | Me, about an hour and a half ago. Because I’m an idiot. |
