|—||Me. Currently worried about the money.|
|—||Ag gives more gentle career advice|
|—||Ag gives gentle career advice|
At the moment, poorly. :-)
I used to post about “my tropical depression” more. Here. Here. Here. A Lil Somethin’ Here. Oh, and here. Reading those might help give you a pretty thorough overview of my journey. I should update soon.
Since I’ve shared my experience in fairly great detail, I am comfortable sharing a simplified list of some things that have been key to whatever limited success I have had. I know “simple” works best on tumblr. Please know this is nothing more than some things I have learned about myself on my journey. And I’m writing extemporaneously so I reserve the right to decided this list is crap tomorrow and delete it! :-)
- I accepted that in my case, my brain chemistry was key to my depression. After over 30 years of managing it, I realized that medication was worth trying. Medication didn’t cure me. It just got my brain to the point where strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and smarter lifestyle choices had a chance to work. I believe that anti-depressants are over prescribed in the United States. But I think taking thirty years to decide to take them qualifies as being sufficiently cautious.
- I found smart professionals I could trust. In my case it was a Psychologist. He’s the one who got me to ponder the whole idea of “I have value simply because I am” which is a key part of my journey. I really believe if someone tries talking to a counselor, or a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, and it doesn’t work it is most likely because it’s the wrong individual not because counseling, or psychology, or psychiatry is a bad idea.
- I started a blog and talked about what I was going through. I found out I was not alone.I learned of others on their journeys and it helped me. Others said reading about my journey helped them.
- I decided that what I needed to do was not “be happy” but just to get to a point where my emotional response was appropriate for what I was experiencing. My 15 year marriage was ending. It was reasonable for that to be devastating. But on a Friday night I shouldn’t be sick to my stomach about going back to work on Monday.
- I realized (through the help of professionals) that my issues were both anxiety and depression and I needed to work on both to get better.
- The book “Feeling Good” by David D. Burns was very helpful and continues to be what I turn to when I start slipping. I have a link to it on my Amazon widget on my homepage if you’re interested. It is a book that requires you to do things, not just read.
- I chose to not isolate myself. I found excuses to do things with people. And I chose a few to keep an eye on me as I started medication.
- I stayed occupied. For me, both depression and anxiety are best managed just by keeping my brain occupied.
- I exercised. I trained for half marathons. I ran with friends. I ran early in the morning (some studies say looking in the direction of the morning sun is very good for managing depression). It also gave me something to feel good about every few days.
- I made sure I had access to lots of natural light. I know that helps me immensely.
Those are the things that come to mind. Please feel free to ask more specific questions. If you want to come off anon or send me an e-mail address I’ll be happy to talk to you specifically about your situation. Not because I have all the answers, but because I’m a good listener. And I still owe the universe some karma for all the people that kept me from killing myself on more than one occasion.
I’ll end by saying that I decided to stop hiding what I was dealing with and to stop being ashamed. No one is ever ashamed that they have asthma. I am not ashamed that I have depression and anxiety. It will be part of me forever and my fucked up brain is responsible for everything that is good about me. Depression and anxiety are the prices I pay for the good. That said, be careful if you decide to be open. I have decided that I don’t care if telling people I have depression screws up my career. You probably should care. :-)
Stay in touch. Much love to you.
if anyone could give me the secret recipe to be the type of girl that guys want to have a relationship with, I’d appreciate it..thanks.
1. Different guys want different things.
2. Most people, male and female, are stupid and don’t really know what they want. If they don’t know, how the hell are you supposed to figure it out?
3. No matter how enlightened we claim to be, most people want to be with someone they find attractive. Different people find different things attractive. That’s both great and maddening.
4. For some of us, nothing is more attractive than someone who finds us attractive.
5. There is a difference between what people want and what they need. Few people understand that when they’re young. I may want the Victoria’s Secret model, but I need someone who eats like I eat, and likes watching football, and finds me HILARIOUS. Chances are, that is not Adriana Lima.
6. Some men want an equal partner. Some want a mommy surrogate. Some want to be the alpha male. In my opinion, none of these wants are wrong. Just different. They’re only wrong when their desired role and their partner’s desired role don’t mesh. Which is why, regardless of what people want, ultimately…
7. Compatibility trumps all. Initially, if I feel that I need someone who finds me funny and you don’t laugh when we first meet, I probably won’t “want” you. But even if I want you because of other things I do find attractive, the chances of us “working out” are slim because there is no way my partner and I could be happy in a life where she doesn’t find me funny. I also know I need someone who is smart. I may be attracted to a beautiful idiot, but eventually they’ll drive me crazy.
So my only advice (and by all means, take dating advice from the divorced guy) is be the best version of yourself you can be, put yourself in situations where you are around people with similar interests experiences and passions (while being open to diverse but complementary people), and keep your eyes open for the guys who are interested in you but for the life of them can’t figure out what girls want!
It’s okay to answer, “I don’t know,” to a question. It’s at least better than responding, “Want me to show you what happened to the last guy who asked me that question?” and then…
When asked to share a strength, do not do so by “whipping it out,” pointing at it, and saying, “Eh? Eh? Eh?”
Never talk religion or politics. Unless your new job is as ambassador to the Vatican. Then avoid discussing your fantasy football team. Like the rest of us, his holiness doesn’t give a shit about who you’re starting at wide receiver this week.