1. I have four nipples. But two of them are in a jar. And I’m not the original owner of any of them.
2. I love Vonage commercials.
3. I never fucking curse.
4. I can’t remember the last time I looked at pornography.
5. While I was trying to think up what to write for number five, I looked at some pornography.
6. Ducky doesn’t actually exist. I’m just really good at using Photoshop to create really mediocre fake dog pictures.
7. I admire your mother’s impeccable morals.
8. I once hired a man to make shoes for pieces of fishing tackle just so I could say I knew Robert the Bobber Cobbler.
9. Last night I was frightened to find an incredibly handsome man hiding in my bathroom mirror.
10. I want a Hawkeye action figure for Christmas. If he’s not available, I’ll take a Charles Emerson Winchester III.
Oh, “random” means “completely made up”, right?