January 2012
19 tags
Jenny McCarthy is asking people in Times Square...
Oh please, someone tell her, “I’m getting my kids vaccinated. Twice.”
Ag
December 2011
2 tags
7 tags
“I stuffed my wii in the metal filing cabinet.”
– Coworker tonight explaining what he did with his gaming console in a way that sounds very painful
13 tags
“When BP made a commitment to the Gulf, we knew it would take time but we were...”
– Iris Cross-BP Community Outreach
Perhaps BP is so determined to “see it through” because the terms of the multi-million dollar settlements with Gulf Coast residents kinda’ fucking REQUIRES them to “see it through.” And “Yay!” for the best tourism season...
Percentage increase in National Debt by Presidency →
chos:
mohandasgandhi:
Reagan 189.0% Bush 43 89.0% Bush 41 51.6% Carter 42.6% Clinton 36.0% Obama 34.0%
But Reagan was a capitalist god! Let us invoke the spirits of Ronald Reagan and Ayn Rand for wisdom on how to deal with the current economic crisis.
Clearly this is all a part of your LIBERAL agenda ;)
Facts have a liberal bias. Ag
Don't drink and drive, and don't ride with anybody...
1 tag
3 tags
3 tags
“I wish I was the person that people who like me think I am.”
4 tags
7 tags
I have a friend who hates the word "panties." So...
Undershirt For Your Underneath Parts
Crotch Swaddles
Groin Wrap
Ass Sack
Genital Purse
Vaginal Pouch
Butt Mitt
Snatch Patch
Accidental Poop Net
(tilt head to the left and gesture vaguely about your nether regions)
Legless Pants-Like Garment That Will Conceal Your Naughty Bits In The Event That You Accidentally Leave Your House Before Putting On Pants
Ag
9 tags
14 tags
“(Sick children are) the WORST patients you could be around this time of year!”
– Broadcaster during tonight’s Belk Bowl. Either he messed up when trying to say, “there’s nothing more heartbreaking than sick children at this time of year,” or he is a real prick.
2 tags
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth...”
– Sigmund Freud (via cityyandcolour)
5 tags
7 tags
Signs that you're at a bad New Year's Eve party.
You’re playing “Uno.”
It’s mid-June.
You’re so very tired but you know that if you stop paddling the sharks will get you.
You wish you were playing “Uno.”
The theme is “Never Going To Get Over It And Never Moving On.”
You’re at McDonald’s.
You’ve spent most of the night talking to a squirrel outside the window.
...
1 tag
25 tags
1 tag
Christmas With Ducky! →
He Couldn’t Help Himself.
5 tags
1 tag
1 tag
5 tags
“Our AP reviewer gave it two and a half stars out of four so it’s...”
– Alicia Quarrels on MSNBC talking about “We Bought A Zoo.” If two and a half stars means “must see” I’m guessing a four star film will make you have an orgasm.
2 tags
wildchildenchanted asked: You have a great blog and personality. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be you, to have your wit and sweet glasses and Ducky. Sometimes late at night I lay awake and look at your profile picture and imagine us getting coffee and chatting. We'd stay for an hour or two. We'd part ways, and I'd follow you home. You'd go inside, and I'd ring your doorbell. I'd...
Anonymous asked: I like your nose hairs
kayfabe asked: You want some fries with that shake?
Reblog if you want (1+) creepy compliment.
lampsnake:
I never do this but gimme.
8 tags
14 tags
