International Talk Like a Pirate Day 2014
There’s still time to celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Try working these phrases into conversation tonight!
- Excuse me. Could you direct towards the port? My ship is set to sail presently.
- So sorry that I can’t keep up. Afraid my wooden leg is a skosh loose today and it’s hindering my ability to maintain a consistent pace on this constitutional.
- Dearest Mildred. Thank you ever so much for the case of limes. I feel confident they shall keep my scurvy at bay.
- I don’t know, Trevor. Maybe you’re a pirate because your dad was a pirate. Maybe that’s why I’m one too but all that matters is what you want right now. Do you want to be a pirate or do you want to study dance? They’re both right decisions,Trevor, but I can’t decide for you. Yo-ho-yo-ho. This life may not be for you.
On a related note, fuck you and your stereotypical assumptions about pirate diction.
Apparently playing the defense of a team that loses by 42 is the way to get more defensive points than I’ve gotten all year in fantasy football.
I’m not sure what formula is used to calculate defensive fantasy points. Perhaps if the Buc’s linebackers literally crapped their pants in the third quarter I could have gotten to twenty.
Anytime that you’re worried that the internet marketers have too much information about you, just remember that I’ve lived pretty openly on the web for over five years and yet Groupon’s algorithm failed to pick up that I am agnostic.
And a man.
I think we can all agree that this made downloading iOS 8 totally worth it.
Our motto: We’re less dangerous but we try to hurt you harder.
If you’re really mad about the free U2 album on your iPhone…
you’re officially LOOKING for things to get upset over.
Had they made it opt-in, you’re right. But they just jammed it on your phone/cloud, whether you like U2, rock music, or Spiderman musicals. Imagine someone whose entire music library is hip hop, or vocal jazz, or KPop, who now have Bono popping up whenever they hit shuffle. Yes, it was free, but it wasn’t asked for.
And good god, imagine the reaction if it were a Taylor Swift album.
Preferred it not be there? Fine.
Think there could have been a better way to do it? Welcome to the exclusive club of “People Who Can’t Do Shit But Know For Sure How Other People Should Have Done Shit After The Fact.” Enjoy the benefits of membership. I’m the president and we’re always expanding.
But I’ve just reached my tipping point when it comes to privileged butthurt with this one. I’m not talking about finding the opportunity to tweak Apple with snarky tweets and tumblr posts. I’m talking about people who are living such sheltered, privileged lives that something like this, or their iPhone coming on Monday instead of Friday, honestly angers them.
"How dare this happen to me!? TO ME!!!"