Ducky: Hey, Daddy?
Me: Almost done, Ducky.
Ducky: If you thought I was thirsty, I appreciate the thought. But water goes in the Ducky, not on the Ducky.
Me: Not this water.
Me: You needed a bath. It’s been weeks.
Ducky: I see. I had not considered that. In that case allow me to reconsider.
Ducky: Upon further reflection, thhhhhhhppt, thhhhhhhppt!
Me: Almost done. I love you, Ducky.
it’s not a sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm
Not paying bills
*slow clap the fuck outta this shit*
Take the system and use it to beat the system senseless.
Best Buy Employee: Can I help you, sir?
Me: Yes. I’m not completely satisfied with my new iPhone.
Best Buy Employee: Too long? Too thin? Not enough heft?
Me: No. It’s just that this new iPhone seems to have been made with absolutely no thought to how I am supposed to transport my favorite dust particles and air bubbles with me over the next two years.
Best Buy Employee: Ah! We have something that can take care of that!